Every Man for Himself
by Dr Spleenmeister
Summary: Clark believes himself enamoured of Lana, but when feelings for Lois begin to show, and latent powers come screaming into play, what is a poor, angst-ridden superhero-to-be to do?
1. Born to Lead

A/N: I wrote this ages ago so if it isn't quite up to par, that's why! Quotes are all lyrics by Hoobastank.

**Every Man for Himself**

**Chapter 1 of 13 - Born to Lead**

_With eyes closed tightly, I march so blindly, pretending everything's fine 'cause you're there to keep me in line..._

Clark sighed as Lana's lips parted softly below his, surely this was heaven; the woman he had loved for longer than he could remember soft and pliant in his arms as she kissed him gently, her feather-light touches slowly igniting a firestorm inside him. Succumbing willingly to the growing heat, he splayed his large hands across her back and deepened the kiss, applying a little more pressure and allowing his tongue to flick out and stroke firmly along her lips.

Lana pushed him away, their lips making a soft popping sound as they were wrenched apart, "Clark, stop it! You know I like it when you kiss me gently."

"Sorry, Lana." He flushed and ducked his head in embarrassment as yet again he pushed her too hard; he would really have to learn to keep himself under a tighter control if she was going to say yes tonight. He watched her turn from him with a coy glance over her shoulder, pushed down his automatic reaction to the flirty look and mentally ran over his itinerary for the evening for the twentieth time, it had to be perfect, she would accept no less and why should she? She was the princess in this fairy-tale.

They had been officially together for a year after tip-toeing around each other for twice as long, and Clark was convinced he had finally found happiness. He hadn't told her everything about himself yet, he had managed to convince himself that it was just because the right moment hadn't presented itself, but late at night he would occasionally lie awake in bed and wonder if there was another reason. Shrugging off the momentary doubt, he gave her a quick - gentle - kiss goodbye before heading out to pick up the rest of the things he would need for tonight. If everything went well, she would be wearing a diamond ring on her left hand before morning.

Once he had gone, Lana smiled and sat down at her desk, things between her and Clark were almost perfect; they were the most envied and talked about couple in town, and for the most part she was ecstatically happy. There wasn't much more she could ask for; if he'd just learn to curb his primal urges a little more - he was like a caged animal sometimes, she could see the desire glowing in his eyes, but she didn't like that sort of thing - and be a little quicker to tend to her when she needed it, then she would be really happy. One thing she didn't like was that he was occasionally evasive and secretive, but that would soon be taken care of; he was learning quickly how to please her, it was only a matter of time until he would be absolutely perfect.

Putting the final touches on the sketch she was working on, she packed up her folder of papers and photos and grabbed her car keys; best not to keep Lex waiting.

*

Chloe looked up with a grin on her face as her best friend flopped down into the easy chair opposite her. Flagging down a waitress and ordering a coffee for him, Chloe took in the handful of shopping bags he had dropped by the table,

"Wow, I had no idea you were such a shop-a-holic, Clark! What's all this in aid of?"

He sighed happily as the waitress returned with the coffee, "Lana. Tonight's the night, Chloe, I'm asking her to marry me."

Chloe's eyes went so wide her entire irises were visible, "Whoa, Clark, that's great!"

"Yeah," a big, sappy grin split his face "She makes me so happy, I just hope she feels the same."

"I'm sure she does..." Chloe narrowed her eyes slightly, "So are you going to... you know... tell her?"

The grin fell from his face and a shadow slipped into place behind his eyes, "I don't know." He put his drink down on the table and leaned towards her, " I don't know if I could take the rejection if she freaks out."

Chloe's lips twisted contemplatively, "She's bound to find out eventually, Clark. If you leave it too long it'll break her heart that you kept it from her. Imagine she says yes, you get married, buy a house, have kids, when do you tell her? When the mini-Clarks start bench-pressing cars?"

Clark fidgeted, knowing she was right, but not liking it one bit.

"Maybe you shouldn't rush into this. You should give her chance to get used to the idea of who and what you are before jumping into a life-long commitment like that."

Clark grimaced, "No, you're right, I'll do it tonight and then I guess I'll just play by ear. Damn it!" Leaving his half-drunk latte on the table, Clark picked up the bags and all but stomped out of the Talon, leaving Chloe with a sinking feeling in her chest.

What if Lana did freak and panic? Chloe couldn't help but notice how much she and Clark had invested in each other emotionally the last few months, Lana clung to Clark like he was a life line about to fly away from her and Clark had entrusted his whole heart and future to her, and bent over backwards to please her no matter how poorly she treated him sometimes. Lana was beginning to make Clark into something he wasn't and she had a horrible feeling that it was all going to implode and she'd be left to deal with the fall-out. She was so deep in thought that she almost didn't notice her cousin appear at her shoulder,

"Hey, Chloe, what's with the long face?" She sat in the recently-vacated chair and downed the rest of Clark's coffee.

"Huh? Oh, I think the town's golden couple are about to hit a very rough patch," she sighed, "and I think we'll be the ones picking up the pieces."

"Hmph, well that's too bad, I kinda liked Lana." She scratched her cheek, "Smallville needs to lighten up though, he'd be a real hoot if he just stopped hiding behind Lana's pant leg." As Lois stood and left to get back to work, Chloe watched her retreating back with a frown. Chloe knew Lois as much as she would a sister and she knew that her parting comment was not what it seemed; although Lois would be the first to argue against it, she was very insightful behind all the bravado she wore like a shield. What she'd really said was that she knew Clark was being less than he could be in order to keep Lana happy.

Chloe sipped thoughtfully at her espresso and on a whim, pictured Clark with Lois instead of Lana. She smirked at the weird couple they would make, she was all fire, extrovert and go-get-'em while he was cool, thoughtful and introspective. Her brows drew together as the longer she pictured them together the more it made sense; they got up each other's noses like no-one else could and fought like cats but when they co-operated they were dynamite, like some sort of insane cosmic balance had been reached between the two nemeses. Clark and Lana would never match the fire that Clark and Lois would have, at best they would be luke-warm. When she realised what she was doing, she snorted and struggled not to get coffee everywhere, this was Lois and Clark for crying out loud! Like that would ever happen.

Still, this was Smallville, weirder things _had_ happened.

*

Lana watched Lex as he spoke eloquently about the ship and the latest discoveries his scientists had made about it. As he spoke, she let her mind wander slightly, Lex was attractive, of that there was no doubt, he was rich, well spoken, well educated, and most importantly he was open with her on all the aspects of their joint project.

Lex paused in his presentation as he noticed that he'd lost the attention of his audience, "Lana?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, Lex, please, go on."

Lex frowned as her brows drew into a faint frown of her own, "Lana? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I..." She trailed off and shrugged. Comparing Lex to Clark, Lana had suddenly realised that Clark's evasiveness was beginning to make her doubt him. He was so wonderfully attentive in regards to every other aspect of their relationship, but she knew he was keeping something from her and no matter how hard she pushed, he refused to tell her. The problem was that a lack of information sent Lana's imagination wild and the more she dwelled on what could possibly be so important that he would keep it from her, the worse the possible scenarios in her mind got. Was he cheating on her? Was he having a crisis of sexuality? Did he have an identical twin that he'd murdered with a pillow and shotgun? Was he an alien from outer space? As the theories got wilder and wilder, she felt her heart rate hike in panic, what was he keeping from her? As Lex sat beside her on the small sofa, she jumped and turned to him quickly, "I'm really sorry, Lex, but can we do this another day?"

Lex's eyes were concerned but understanding and Lana was grateful as she let his gaze relax her; if there was one thing she could always rely on Lex for it was understanding and patience, "Sure, call me when you're free and we'll pick this up again."

"Thanks, Lex." She shot to her feet, grabbed her coat and fled the mansion her heart beating a mile a minute, she had to talk to Clark.

*

"Hey, Smallville, need a hand?"

Clark smirked and put down his wrench as Lois wandered into the barn, "I'm sorry, is it snowing in Hell?"

Lois wrinkled her nose at him, "Very funny. I was getting eye strain working on your mom's speech for tomorrow and thought a little manual labour might help clear some of the cobwebs from my head." She folded her arms and cocked an eyebrow as she looked pointedly at a point on the floor just next to his left foot, "But I see that you have everything under control."

Clark, frowning, followed her gaze to where the tractor he had been working on had suddenly sprouted an oil leak. With a surprised yelp, he jammed his hand into the engine and pinched the oil line closed, "Uh, could you grab that pan please?"

Lois smirked and did as he asked, taking the shallow pan and placing it below the tractor. Grabbing a small spanner, she quickly slid under the machine and set to work, much to Clark's surprise, "I didn't know you knew anything about tractors."

Her voice was muffled as she replied, "I don't, but I do know about tanks, and let's face it, Smallville," she poked her head out to smirk at him, "your machines are old enough to be classed as war museum worthy." She disappeared again and Clark smiled as he leant back under the hood, feeling a faint sensation of warmth in his chest as she mucked in right alongside him. Since his dad had passed, Clark had taken on the farm tasks single-handedly and it did get a little lonely sometimes; Lana was understanding and sympathetic but when the loneliness got on top of him she didn't know what to do. He certainly couldn't see her volunteering to come out and help him, even if it was just to help with something small like working on the ever-temperamental tractor. He was jolted from his thoughts by Lois' voice as she extricated herself from the tractor's underside and snagged a rag to wipe her hands with,

"I think I'm starting to get the hang of this farm malarky, I milked my first cow this morning," she shuddered and Clark laughed. "I'll never look at milk the same way."

"I wondered why Bessie was so nervous when I got to her this morning, I should have recognised a fellow sufferer of the Lane effect." His smile widened as he noticed she had an oil smudge on her nose, he leaned against the tractor and crossed his arms comfortably, "If you like, I can show you how to milk properly, I'm willing to bet you got hand cramp?"

"Yeah I did; stupid, tough, old cow." She looked at him and smiled at the expectant hope in his eyes. She was well aware of the fact that he was running the farm almost on his own and lately she had begun to feel guilty at the fact that she did nothing to contribute to the household. Mrs. Kent worked for the Senate all day and still found time to cook the three of them an amazing meal every night, Clark did all the chores, looked after the animals and maintained the machinery and all Lois did was eat their food, take their hot water and drive Clark up the wall. She'd tried her hand at milking this morning in an attempt to find something she could do to help take the load off the other two but all she'd managed to do was break a nail, upset Bessie and mess up her hands for a good half hour. Maybe if she accepted his help just this once she would be able to do her part as a small gesture of thanks to the family that had been so kind to her without having to resort to mucking out the pigs - Clark could keep _that _chore. "Sure, why not."

Clark blinked, acting surprised to hide his delight at her willingness to let him help her, "Lois Lane, conceding defeat? Are you feeling alright?" He put his hand on her forehead and she snorted,

"Well, while my idea of a fun afternoon has a certain farm boy completely clear of my line of sight, I would like to be able to feel at least vaguely useful around here."

Clark withdrew his hand and smiled, holding out his hand, "Alright, what say we have a truce while I train the new milk maid?"

Lois glowered at his terminology but accepted the handshake just the same, "Fine, but I'll be straight back to chop-busting the minute that bucket is full, and I expect you to do the same."

He laughed, "Yes, ma'am." Gallantly sweeping his arm towards the barn entrance, he let her lead the way to the cow shed.

As the twosome entered the shed, Bessie swung her large head towards them and gave Lois an apprehensive glare. Lois stopped in her tracks causing Clark to barrel into her back, he caught her as she stumbled, "That cow is staring at me."

Clark looked from her to Bessie in amusement, "Lois, she's not staring at you, come on," he took her hand when she didn't move and dragged her to the cow's side. Depositing her there - she and Bessie continued to eye each other - he turned and took a pail and milking stool from the side; placing the stool next to Bessie's flank, he sat and reached under her belly, his cheek resting on her side as he looked up at Lois, "The trick is to be gentle; you're not squeezing juice from an orange, you're encouraging the milk to flow." As Lois crouched to get a better look at what he was doing, he took one of the teats and pulled gently with his thumb and first two fingers; a long stream of milk spat into the metal bucket. "See? Force it and won't do anything." He squeezed a little harder to prove the point as nothing happened. "Now you try." He stood and vacated the stool for her.

Lois cracked her knuckles, her face set in determination, "Alright, cow, let's do this." She copied Clark, resting her cheek against Bessie's flank and reaching for her teats with as gentle a grasp as she could manage. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she gently pulled, then squeezed, then pulled a little harder; she pulled back intermittently to look at the stubborn udder as it refused to relinquish what had become Lois' Grail, "Come on... stupid cow... milk already!"

Clark, taking pity on her as she got increasingly frustrated, took another milking stool down and placed it behind hers. Lowering himself down, he braced one long leg on either side of her and reached around her body to place his hands over hers; interlacing their fingers, he guided her to the correct pressure and rhythm. Their position forced him to press his front to her back and rest his cheek against hers so he could see over her shoulder, which he did stiffly.

She said softly, transfixed by the fluid motion of their interlaced fingers, "You make it look so easy."

"It's just practice, it'll come with time." As he continued to move their hands gently over Bessie's teats, the rhythmic beats of milk into the pail soon had them both relaxed; Lois leaned back into his unintentional embrace and he softened his muscles to allow her to rest against him. His breathing had unconsciously matched hers and as they breathed together, the scent of her filled his nostrils; he had a faceful of her hair, and as he breathed deeply a pleasantly tingly sensation flooded him. Breathing deeply a second time, he picked up the slight tang of the oil still clinging to her skin, and smiled as his mind was filled with visions of her gleefully clambering all over a yard full of tanks, her hair pulled messily back and grime all over her face.

_**"Clark?"**_

The sharp, female tone of voice startled them out of their trance and they looked sharply at each other, simultaneously realised what they had been doing, then sprang away from each other with a squawk. Lois backed away from him, stammering about having to finish the speech she had been working on then fled the shed, unable to meet Lana's furious gaze.

"Lana," Clark held out a placating hand in an attempt to stop her from jumping to conclusions, "I was just showing Lois how to milk, that's all."

Lana crossed her arms angrily over her chest, "That's not what it looked like to me, Clark." She raised an eyebrow as her eyes flashed.

"She just wants to be able to help us out, she tried to milk Bessie this morning but couldn't do it so I offered to show her." He scratched the back of his neck nervously, "You know how temperamental Bessie can be."

"No I don't, Clark, because you never offered to show me!"

Clark's brows drew together as he looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment, "If I had offered, would you have done it?"

Lana looked at him condescendingly, "That's not the point, Clark."

"Okay, yeah you're right I guess, I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

As Clark wilted under the force of her glare, Lana relaxed; seeing him and Lois huddled together in the warm, dimly lit shed had sent her protective nature screaming. Of course she had no interest in milking cows, she didn't live on a farm for crying out loud, but that didn't mean he could go wedging himself up against any other woman who did. She stepped forward and kissed him gently on the cheek, letting him know that it was okay, that she'd forgiven him. Taking him by the hand, she led him from the shed and out into the sunlight, "Clark I need to talk to you about something."

"You do?" A mixture of apprehension and excitement swam in his expressive green eyes and she sighed inwardly, this was going to be difficult.

"Yeah, let's go up to your loft first," she shot a quick glance around them, making sure Lois was out of earshot, "it's important."

As Clark followed Lana to the barn his heart wedged itself firmly in his throat, her voice had held a frightening note of finality. Once they were safely up the stairs and sitting side by side on the sofa, she turned to him and took his hands in hers as she gazed deeply into his eyes, "Clark, we've gotten pretty serious in the last few months and it's been great, it's just..." she trailed off, waiting for him to pick up on the pause.

"Just what?"

"I know you're a deeply personal boy, Clark, and I don't mean to pry but if we're going to work you need to honest with me." She gazed expectantly up at him, expecting the subtle ultimatum to finally dislodge the increasingly vital piece of information from his stubborn lips. But alas, she wasn't to have her way today,

"I am honest with you, Lana. You know just about everything there is to know about me."

Clark fought to keep the panic that was rising in him out of his voice and off his face, she had just presented him with the perfect opportunity to come come clean that he'd been waiting for, but now the time had come he was desperate to keep his secret from her. Unfortunately, she didn't seem to buy it, and her eyes narrowed imperceptibly,

"Alright." She stood and crossed her arms over her chest, "I'm afraid I won't be able to make it for dinner tonight, I promised Lex I'd go over some of the project we've been working on." She turned and left the barn, muttering - unaware that he could hear every word - "At least Lex is honest with me."

After she had gone, Clark scrubbed his hands through his hair and felt hot tears of hurt tears prick at his eyes, so much for his big plans for the night.

_So sick of asking and being denied..._


	2. The First of Me

**Chapter 2 of 13 - The First of Me**

_I must make a choice, a tough decision._

_Listen to my voice, or give in to temptation, admiration?_

_One leads to myself, the other someone else._

Clark plastered a charming smile on his face as Lana led him around the ballroom on her networking mission. The party they were attending was at Lex's mansion where he was entertaining some pretty high-flying business types. Why exactly he and Lana had been invited in the first place was beyond him; he knew Lana was getting quite attracted to the idea of running her own business - the success with the Talon had left a lasting impression on her - and that Lex had been encouraging her but these stuffed shirts were way out of her league. He ached to pull the starched collar away from his itching neck to give himself a chance to breathe, but he knew that Lana would be upset if he broke the facade of sophistication she had whipped up around them so he resisted. As Lana schmoozed comfortably with the business men and women Clark was beginning to feel a little like the trophy wives the other men were sporting on their arms; were they as bored as he was? Their fixed smiles making their faces ache as they dreamed of escape?

Lex approached with a wide smile and, after greeting Clark warmly, offered to introduce Lana to some people that would be able to help her get started with her business ideas. Not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, Clark seized upon the opportunity of freedom and excused himself. Lana barely acknowledged him as he raced from her side and headed for a secluded balcony.

Once he was home free, he took a deep breath of fresh air and loosened his tie, the top button of his shirt quickly following. Sighing with relief, he leaned on the balcony rail and cast his gaze appreciatively over Lex's expansive, well-manicured grounds.

"You escaping too?"

Clark turned at the familiar voice and quirked a smirk at the interloper, "Lois, you look nice for a change, what are you doing here?"

Joining him at the balcony rail, Lois handed him the spare glass of wine in her hand and grimaced, "Last week your mom introduced me to a business mogul who's offered to fund her anti-crime campaign. When he asked if I wanted to go to a private function with him, this wasn't quite what I had in mind."

Clark snickered and accepted the wine with a grateful smile, "I hear Bruce Wayne is here, now that's someone I wouldn't mind meeting. He's barely older than us but he's built up this huge empire, bigger than Lex's; he's a philanthropist, an environmentalist, a-"

"Are you in his fan club or just plumping for a PR position?" Lois grinned as Clark flushed endearingly.

"I just admire him, that's all. He works hard, he's honest, and he's not afraid to get his hands dirty."

"That's quite some praise, would you like a job?"

Lois and Clark both jumped at the low, smooth, masculine voice that interrupted their conversation. Turning to see who had joined them, Clark felt his eyes bulge in surprise, "Mr. Wayne!"

Bruce Wayne laughed and held out his hand, "Bruce, please. Being called 'Mr. Wayne' by someone nearly my own age makes me feel really old."

Clark smiled, pleased to find that celebrity hadn't affected one of the good guys. Taking the proffered hand, Clark introduced himself and Lois and the three quickly fell into easy conversation.

*

Lana was the happiest she'd been in a long time; Lex's contacts had been incredible in their willingness to help her set herself up, and the way they had been talking she'd still be able to go to Kansas U. Her diary full of appointments and business meetings, she glided around the room on Lex's arm, gleefully making more acquaintances than she could keep track of. As they paused to speak to a foreign dignitary, Lana felt her gaze drawn to Lex's face; his eyes, his lips, even his teeth were all used as lethal weapons in the seduction of his opposition. He could probably convince the most pacifistic people into all-out nuclear war with his subtle manipulation, he was the master of his craft and Lana was beginning to feel a draw towards him that she had never noticed before. She frowned, guilt niggling at her as she recognised the faint attraction, she should really go find Clark, this new sensation of warmth when she looked at Lex was disconcerting, but the more she watched him work his magic, the harder she found it to leave his side.

*

Clark grinned as Lois argued about the upcoming football playoffs with the richest man in the world; the fact that she spoke to him as she would any of her peers, without cringing back from his greatness gave her an edge he admired. The grin morphed into a smirk as he realised that he was in danger of considering Lois a person to be respected.

"No way, the Sharks will blow the Gophers out of the water! And what kind of city calls it's team 'The Gophers' anyway? You deserve to lose with a name like that."

"We'll see, when I buy the Sharks, sell all the good players and buy relegation players, who's the better team."

Lois looked affronted, he wouldn't mess with her boys... would he? "You wouldn't dare."

Bruce smiled enigmatically, "Try me."

Before Lois could hurl herself at him, Clark put a restraining hand on her arm, "Steady, Lois, you don't want to go back to your date looking like you've been fighting."

With visible difficulty, Lois reigned back on her anger and put a grateful hand on Clark's while she glared at Bruce, "You're right, Smallville. We wouldn't want it getting into the papers that Bruce Wayne got decked at his own party." She smirked at the billionaire, punched Clark on the arm and headed back into the ballroom to find her date.

Bruce chuckled and gestured for Clark to join him by the railing, "She's quite a firecracker."

Clark rolled his eyes and sighed wearily, "You have no idea."

"How did the two of you meet?"

As Clark launched into the story of Chloe's disappearance and subsequent recovery, he realised that he and Lois had gotten closer than he thought in recent months; their chalk-and-cheese personalities and constant bickering hid a friendship that was steadily growing deeper with each trial they faced together. He felt a warm feeling spread slowly through his chest as he described one of the hi-lights of their fiery relationship and a smile tweaked at the corners of his lips as he began to accept the inevitability of his situation: Lois Lane was rapidly becoming a friend, in fact she was probably his closest friend - after Chloe of course. Whenever he was feeling a little down about the way things stood between him and Lana or he was struggling to balance school work with running the farm, Lois was always there for him with either a shoulder to cry on or an extra brain.

He smiled, "She's great. Underneath all the army-bred bravado there's a soft, mushy center."

Bruce chuckled again and clapped Clark on the shoulder, "I'm glad you think so, Clark. Look," his tone grew serious, "I know we've only just been introduced, but I get a good feeling about you. If you ever need anything, or if you're just in Gotham for a visit, don't hesitate to give me a call."

Clark smiled, "Thanks, Bruce, I'll do that." He shook his hand, "I have the feeling we'll be friends for a long time yet."

*

The ride back to Smallville was full of delighted chatter: Mrs Kent and Lana had both made some excellent contacts and Clark had made a new friend. Lois sat beside Clark in the back seat grumbling about having been dragged around a boring party full of boring people and the only glimmer of fun she had almost had - in the form of a throw down with Bruce Wayne - was spoiled by a certain over-protective farm boy.

"Come on, Lois," Clark couldn't keep the smile from his voice, "He probably has all sorts of martial arts training from the best teachers in the world, you wouldn't have stood a chance."

"I too would have!" The childish retort was made even more amusing by the yawn that overtook her immediately after, showing how tired and cranky she was getting, "I have a black belt in whoopass." A few quiet minutes later, her eyes closed and her head started to nod, her body instinctively turning towards the nearest source of warmth: Clark. As she drowsed on his shoulder, he gazed down at the top of her head and smiled softly, she was so easy to handle like this It'd be nice if she could stay this way all the time.

"You guys okay back there?" Lana didn't take her eyes off the road as she threw the question back over her shoulder.

"Shh..."

Martha, sitting in the passenger seat, looked back at Clark's shushing and smiled at the scene in the back seat; Lois was cuddled up to Clark who had wrapped one arm around her so she didn't send it to sleep by laying on it. Martha returned her eyes forward and wondered what had happened at the party to make the two bitter rivals so suddenly at ease with each other.

Once they were back at the farm, Clark carefully maneuvered the now completely unconscious Lois into his arms and lifted her from the car. With an amused grin at Lana, he followed his mom into the house and carried the intrepid Chief of Staff up to his room. Not comfortable with undressing her, he simply removed her shoes and tucked her into his bed, making sure his night light was turned on for her if she woke up and panicked at where she was. Quietly descending into the lounge, he kissed Lana's cheek before accepting a cup of cocoa from her and sitting down beside her on the sofa. At Lana's quizzical eyebrow raised in the direction of his room, he smiled, "The little Cherokee was all plum tuckered." Lana laughed and sipped at her own mug.

"So did you meet anyone interesting tonight, Clark?"

"Yeah!" He turned to her, eagerness all over his face, "I met Bruce Wayne!"

Lana's jaw almost fell off her face, "No way."

"He's a really nice guy, Lois threatened to beat him up but I saved him and he said to call him anytime I need anything." He sat back, the grin now firmly in place, "I think I'll be a bit more lucky with this billionaire than the last."

Lana felt her blood begin to boil as he openly slated Lex, "Lex is a good guy, Clark, you'd do well to maintain your friendship with him."

Clark snorted, the happy smile slipping from his face, "I don't think so, Lana, he's stepped over the line a few more times than I'm comfortable with."

Lana frowned, he was being particularly argumentative tonight, usually he just agreed with whatever she said, "Just because you don't agree with the way he does things doesn't mean you should just disregard his friendship."

"Even when he uses that friendship to do things the way he does?"

She blinked as he cleverly turned her words on their heads; where had this new, assertive Clark come from? Was this Bruce Wayne's influence? Best to help him curb this impulsive streak now, "I think you should be careful around Bruce, Clark. You don't know anything about him."

He snorted again, "Except that he's a better man than Lex."

Lana stood up, unwilling to deal with Clark when he was like this, "I'm going to head home, I'll see you tomorrow." And without a second glance and certainly without a goodnight kiss, she left.

Clark was left alone on the sofa, the cup of hot chocolate cooling in his large hands. Why had she left like that? What had he said wrong? Frowning, he played the conversation back in his mind and realised with a bolt of anger that she had gotten defensive the minute he expressed his honest opinion for once, instead of going along blithely with whatever views she expressed. He stood and began to pace, meeting Bruce Wayne tonight had given him a new perspective on things; Bruce was brave enough to make his own decisions without having to constantly worry about upsetting someone else, while Clark had let his love for Lana blind him to her manipulation. She used his love against him, she may not have realised that she was doing it, but whenever she was in danger of him not agreeing with her on something, she would play the guilt card, making him feel tiny and ridiculous for hurting her. So he would retract whatever he had said to upset her, smile and agree with her, anything to keep that devastatingly disappointed look from her eyes. Putting his cup down on the kitchen counter, he went outside and gazed up at the stars, contemplating what the hell he should do.

He knew he had to talk to her and preferably not look her in the eye while doing it, because he knew the second he saw anything remotely resembling a tear there, he would crack and be whipped again.

***

The next day, driving from Lex's mansion to the Kent Farm, Lana felt a smile lift her features, she was really beginning to enjoy her weekly meetings with Lex. What had started as a research project on the Kryptonian ship had bloomed into a very rewarding friendship; it turned out they had a lot more in common than either first realised. They both had eclectic music tastes, they liked the same films, shared the same views on the State of Affairs and they had similar problems dealing with Clark. They were both convinced that he was hiding something from them, something big, and the curious people they were they couldn't leave the topic alone. So they had spent more time talking about Clark than anything else; Lana felt a little guilty talking about her boyfriend behind his back, but he was so secretive and she so nosey that they were never going to truly see eye to eye until he came out with it and told her what he was being so guarded about. Lex had become her confidant and she couldn't be more pleased.

*

Clark was pacing again as he waited for Lana.

He knew this needed to be done, but could he really jeopardise what he had wanted almost his whole life for the sake of freedom to truly be himself? Was he not better off suffering a little suppression for the sake of his heart? The crunch of tyres on the drive stirred him from his reverie and he took a deep breath, still undecided as to his course of action. He turned to face the stairs and smiled gently as Lana appeared, "Hey."

"Hey." She crossed her arms across her chest and widened her eyes, knowing the effect it had on him, "I got your message; what did you want to talk to me about?"

Clark gulped as she adopted a defensive stance that made her look so fragile and small, and it broke his resolve as he realised that of course she loved him as much as he loved her; he couldn't hurt her like this. Bucking up his confidence, he did a complete 180, "I had a big dinner planned for us the other night but it never happened, would you like to have dinner tonight?"

Her face lit up and then hesitated, "Oh, Clark, that sounds wonderful, but Lex asked if I'd go round later to sort through some reports for the project we've been working on." She felt her heart skip guiltily as she blatantly put Lex before him; it had to sting following their conversation the previous night. But to his credit, if he was hurt it didn't show on his face.

"Oh, okay, uh, how about tomorrow?"

She grimaced nervously, "I said I'd help at the Talon, they're really strapped for staff right now."

"You know what, never mind." He smiled tightly, "Some things are more important."

Lana smiled gratefully, he was so considerate of her, "Thanks, Clark, you're the best." She leaned up, kissed him chastely on the lips and left.

Once she was gone, Clark threw himself down on his sofa with an aggravated growl, she'd done it again! And he'd just stood there and let her!

"Smallville! Hey, Smallville, you up there?"

Grumpily rousing himself, Clark went to the wooden rail and leaned against it, trying to keep the anger from his voice, Lois hadn't done anything wrong, "Hey, Lois. What's up?"

"You got plans tonight?"

He tried and failed to keep the sneer from his face, "Not anymore."

"Great! I got 'In The Army Now' from the video store, you wanna watch it?"

He frowned, "Doesn't that movie take the piss out of army brats?"

She wrinkled her nose, "Yeah, I figured you could use a laugh at my expense. Your room, eight o'clock sharp, soldier! Bring some popcorn."

As she bounded from the barn, Clark felt the warm feeling from the night before take up residence in his chest again; she was always there for him just when he needed her, how had she known?

*

"May I make an observation?"

After making themselves weak with helpless laughter at the comedy genius of Pauly Shore, Lois and Clark lounged in his room chatting comfortably. Lois was sitting on his bed leaning against the headboard and Clark was laying on his belly on the same bed, his bare feet waving lazily in the air as he sipped from the glass of wine in his hand.

"Sure."

"First of all, this was totally a chick night, so that makes you an honourary chick-"

"HEY! I'm not a chick!"

Lois raised an eyebrow, "Clark, you're sharing a bottle of wine with me."

He looked down at the elegant glass in his hand and raised his sheepish gaze to hers, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And secondly, you need to stop letting Lana push you around. Despite what I would have you believe you're a nice guy, but you're a little too nice; she walks all over you, you deserve better than that."

Clark felt his anger rise at having the obvious and painful truth pointed out so bluntly to him, and said bitterly, "What, like you?"

Lois choked and struggled not to snort wine down her nose, "No, Clark! You have no fear of that ever happening; I mean from Lana. You should talk to her, let her know you're better than that."

Realising that she was genuinely trying to help and not winding him up, Clark deflated, "I know. I tried tonight but she pulled this look on me that makes me feel like I'm kicking a puppy."

"That's manipulation, Clark."

He sighed wearily, "I know."

"Want me to kick her ass for you?" She cracked her knuckles and he laughed, grateful for her ever-violent support,

"No, that's fine, but I might claim that offer later for Lex. I get the distinct feeling that she's blowing me off to spend time with him." He downed the remaining wine in one gulp and sat up on the bed, smiling a small, grateful smile at his inadvertent confidante, "Look, Lois... I-"

She held up her hands to stop him and jumped off the bed, "No need to thank me, Smallville, but I'm afraid the toe-nail painting will have to wait until next time." She gestured gallantly to the door, "Now if you don't mind, get out of my room, I need some sleep."

He smiled and clambered off the bed, ducking to give her a quick peck on the cheek as he passed her by and laughing out loud at her horrified expression, "Thanks, Lois!" He waved and ran off before she could recover enough to chase him.

_I hear a voice inside, it's grown into a scream._

_I''m not the next of them, I am the first of me._


	3. Moving Forward

**Chapter 3 of 13 - Moving Forward**

_I stand before a road that will lead into the unknown, at least unknown to me. _

_I want to go but I'm paralyzed with fear, _

_fear of a choice where the outcome isn't clear..._

Clark jammed his hands deep into his pockets and set his shoulders with reluctant determination. As the words flowed haltingly from his mouth, he drifted above himself for a long moment, watching the exchange with a strange sort of out-of-body detachment. Feeling his resolve weaken as she fixed him with huge, innocent eyes, he forced himself to look away and suddenly pictured Lois in his mind: how would she handle this? Closing his eyes for a brief second and allowing the thought of his friend's strength fill him with confidence, he opened his eyes and locked a staunch, unmoving green gaze on Lana's shocked deep brown.

"No, Lana. It's done." The quiet, firm confidence in his voice stunned her, where had this abrupt change in his personality come from? Quickly recovering from the shock, Lana scowled and bit back,

"If that's the way you feel, Clark, then I'm glad you fell out with Lex because that's where I'll be going when I leave here." She smirked smugly as the barb hit him smack between the eyes and his mouth fell open.

"You..." He swallowed the lump down that had lodged in his throat, had she...? _Manipulation, Clark_, his eyes narrowed as Lois' voice sounded in his head, she was right, Lana had been manipulating him for so long that he didn't know whether she was lying or not. Playing her at her own game, he smiled dangerously,

"That's good. I'd hate for _you_ to be lonely tonight..." he trailed off, the deliberate silence loaded with meaning. Her eyes widened and her lips parted as he shocked her for the second time that evening.

Lana bit down on her lip and fought back tears as she realised that he was deadly serious: she was dumped. She turned and fled the barn without another word, leaving Clark to suddenly lose all the strength in his legs as he sank down onto the sofa. He ran his hands through his hair, the agitated motion the only outward sign of the emotional turmoil he was suffering inside. The look in her eyes as she had left was not one of manipulative intent, that was genuine hurt and confusion at his actions and it made his blood run cold. The stairs creaked and he looked up, his features pinched, he really didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Hey, Smallville."

"Lois." He rubbed a hand down over his mouth, "Now really isn't the best time."

Her voice was soft, soothing, "You did the right thing, Clark." She sat down next to him and he looked quizically at her,

"How did you-"

"Lana ran past me as I was coming home." She smiled tightly, "I'm guessing she didn't take it well."

He sighed heavily, "Would you? We were together for a long time, longer if you count all the dancing around each other that we did."

"Just because it lasted, doesn't mean it was right." Her voice remained soft but it gained a firm edge, reminding him why he did this in the first place and Clark was grateful, she could easily have turned this into one of their daily sparring matches.

His next words were so quiet they were almost whispered, "Thank you, Lois."

She frowned, "What for?"

He looked at her, holding her gaze as he spoke, "For giving me the push I needed to do this. I almost gave in, but then I heard your voice in my head, urging me on." He smiled lop-sidedly, "I must sound crazy."

She smirked, "Not really, I often hear my voice in my head."

He laughed, grateful for the second time that day for his inadvertent friend.

*

As he walked down the high-street towards the Talon, Clark felt freer than he had in a long time; when he and Lana were together he would feel guilty for even accidently catching the eye of any other girl, but now he was free to look at and speak to whoever he liked without fear of making her jealous. The three weeks since their separation had seen the old Clark come out of hiding; he found himself smiling more, the teasing banter with just a hint of flirt had returned ten-fold between him and Lois, there was a bounce to his step that had been missing for so long he hadn't even realised how much he missed it, and without Lana's constant scrutiny of him he was more able to use his abilities without fear of getting caught.

He paused outside one of the clothes shops and looked up at the mannequin displaying a smart charcoal suit when suddenly, the sound of screeching tyres pricked his ears; whipping his head round, he spotted a car caught in an out of control skid, barreling towards a pedestrian crossing the street outside the grocers. Usually he would be extremely wary of using his abilities in public, but the new sense of freedom had made him bold. Glancing quickly around to make sure no-one was looking straight at him, he super-sped towards the car, dropped out of the slipstream long enough to grab the vehicle by its rear bumper, stopped it, then slipped back into the slipstream and raced back to his starting point before anyone could notice his absence.

As mild panic descended upon the area of the almost-incident, Clark slipped into an alleyway, the adrenaline still pumping through his system. A grin split his face as he enjoyed the moment; that had felt amazing! He'd never been so blatant with the use of his powers to help people before and he abruptly realised that he had Lois's kick in the rear to thank for all of it. Terrified shrieks and yelled questions from the street filtered through the happy haze that had blocked his ears and the ecstatic smile slowly slipped off his face as doubt reasserted itself and the horror of realisation hit him, what if someone had seen? He swallowed harshly and felt all the colour drain from his face as his rebellious mind dreamed up all the possible horrible scenarios of discovery; ducking his head and stepping back out into the street, he vowed to be more careful. He'd always been so cautious around Lana for fear of what she'd do if she found out the truth about him, and now as the bigger picture became clear, as he thought about everyone else finding out - not just Lana - he felt a cold sweat break out on his brow; if anyone found out his life would be over.

***

"Lois, 'disappointment' has one 's', not two."

Perched at the kitchen counter, Lois's lips thinned as she glared at her laptop screen in order to avoid glaring at her talking spellchecker, "Don't you have a cow to milk or something?"

Clark smirked, "No, I have a glamourous new milk maid to do that for me now."

Lois rolled her eyes, she knew it was a mistake to try to help, he seemed to find endless amusement in her perpetual inability to milk Bessie of more than half a bucket or so of milk, "You won't have for much longer if that stupid cow doesn't stop flexing it's pelvic floor at me every time I get near her."

"Cheese?" He held out a small cheese board and crackers towards her with a huge, shit eating grin.

"No. Thank you." Lois' response was forced through gritted teeth; part of her new, self imposed helpy-helper-Lois role included being nicer to Clark, especially after his split from Lana, and it was eating her alive that she couldn't just respond to him as she usually did.

Clark, for his part, knew exactly what she was doing and was loving every second. While he was touched that she was going to such lengths to support him - their 'chick nights' had become a weekly event and her help around the farm was proving invaluable - the teasing side that regularly sprang to the surface of his usually passive personality whenever she was around simply couldn't resist the chance to wind her up tighter than a watch at every opportunity. "How about a cheese toastie?"

Lois' eye twitched, "No, Clark! I don't want anything to do with the produce of that awful, stubborn..." she stared at the toasted cheese sandwich that had appeared in his hands; she hadn't heard him use the grill. Her brows furrowed and she looked up at him, "How did you...?"

Clark grinned even wider, her confusion absolutely adorable, "Trade secret. You want it?" He waved it under her nose, knowing full well how much she loved the melty snack, especially the way he made them.

Lois' eyes unwillingly followed the treat as it waved lazily in front of her face, her mouth watering, "Uh huh..."

"Tough!" He snatched it back and took a hefty bite, causing Lois to narrow her eyes to mere slits, "Bessie-cheese, you can't have it, remember?"

Oh that was it, he'd crossed the line now; with an almighty yell, Lois threw herself over the counter at him, her hands grabbing at the empty air the sandwich had previously occupied. Clark laughed and ran from her, turning mid-run to face her as he carried the cheesy food backwards, just ahead of her franticly grasping fingers.

"Clark! Give it!"

"Can't, it's all mine!"

There was a knock at the front door and as Clark glanced towards it, Lois took full advantage of his momentary distraction and tackled him to the carpet. Using a quick karate flick of the wrists, she expertly flipped them so that Clark ended up flat on his back; snatching the toastie from his hands, she sat victoriously atop him and ate with vigour as Chloe entered the living room.

"Whoa. What happened in here?" Chloe couldn't fight the grin from her face at the scene before her.

Lois' response was around a final mouthful of toastie, "Illegal Lois-baiting." Swallowing, she examined Clark's laughing face for any traces of cheese, "That's mine, you thief!" she leaned down and licked the smear of cheese from the corner of his mouth.

Clark's reaction was unexpected; as she went to sit back up, he caught her arms, holding her face a few inches from his. The smile slowly fell from her lips as he gazed up at her, his wide, green eyes drawing her closer. He whispered her name, leaned up to close the space between them as his eyes drifted closed... and abrupty attacked her ribcage. Lois squealed and fell backwards, scrambling to get away from him as he launched a full assault on her highly ticklish sides.

"Clark, no! Stop it!"

Chloe laughed and perched on the nearest armchair, the better to watch the ridiculousness before her. Lois was getting hysterical, lashing out violently at Clark but of course not leaving any trace of damage; Clark released her for a second, allowed her to get a little space between them and then jumped to his feet as she bolted for the door.

"Behind the knees, Lois!" Ignoring the glare Clark threw at her as he chased Lois from the room, Chloe was rewarded seconds later by a girly shriek from Clark as he came running right back into the room with a rabid Lois Lane hot on his heels.

"Chloe, you traitor!" He went down with a yelp as Lois tackled him and zeroed in on the spot behind his knees that turned him into a giggling mess. "Lois, _Lois_!" He tried desperately to get free, but the tickling fingers had robbed him of his super strength and speed and he was left powerless to stop her as she overpowered him and pinned him to the floor.

"Do you yield?"

Clark's eyes flashed as she challenged him, "Never!"

Lois' eyes narrowed, she would not lose this fight. His wrists held securely above his head in one hand, she reached down with the other and lightly stroked the now highly sensitive spot behind his knee; he hissed and writhed beneath her, "Do you yield?"

"No!"

The questing fingers increased their pressure and speed, curling into the tender flesh causing him to cry out and buck up against her, his body thrusting up against hers in a failing attempt to get her off him. Lois grinned, this was so in the bag, "Do you yield?" She pinched the soft skin there for good measure.

"AH! Yes, yes I yield!" She released him and he gulped in greedy lungfuls of air, sat up and backed away from the devilishly smirking Lois Lane.

Chloe's eyes were sparkling with mirth as Lois left the room in search of rejuvenating coffee - the tussle on the floor had been more draining than she'd anticipated - and Chloe took advantage of her cousin's absence to whisper to Clark, "You could have easily won that, Clark! You let her pin you!" But instead of the laughing response she expected, Clark's face fell and a shadow passed behind his eyes.

"I couldn't risk her finding out about me, Chloe, if I made it too easy she'd have seen straight through me."

Chloe's brow furrowed as her friend's expression turned desolate, "Clark, what's wrong?"

He grimaced, "I used my powers more openly than I ever have today, Chloe; being out from under Lana's thumb made me cocky and reckless, I realised today that I have to be so careful from now on. If anyone were to find out about me, my life and yours would be over, not to mention my parents'." He flinched as Lois made a noise in the kitchen.

Chloe watched him retreat into himself and tried desperately to bolster him, she did NOT want to see the return of Timid Clark, "But you know Lois would never tell anyone even if she did find out."

Clark scratched his neck self-consciously, "Maybe, but-"

"Whew, thank God for coffee!" Lois returned with her laptop under one arm and a steaming cup of caffeine in her free hand, "I'm going upstairs to finish this speech for Mrs. Kent, you two are too distracting."

As soon as Lois was out of ear shot, Chloe gathered her things and headed for the door, "Think about what I said, Clark, Lois is one of the most trustworthy people I know, I've told her things I couldn't even tell you and she's never breathed a word to anyone."

She left and Clark sank down onto the living room sofa, deep in thought, maybe it was time he told Lois, after all she was practically family. He shook his head and grimaced, no, he would be better off getting used to the fact that he was now free to use his abilities without having someone breathing down his neck all the time. When he was more comfortable about his new status, he could consider telling her then.

_I take the first step of a million more, and I'll make mistakes I've never made before, but at least I'm moving forward..._


	4. Good Enough

**Chapter 4 of 13 - Good Enough**

_I only wanted you to feel the way I thought you deserved to feel,_

_The way you always said you wanted to._

Lana watched the group of friends sitting in the corner booth of the Talon from over the rim of a large cup of coffee. Her brows lifted sadly as the tallest member of the party let out a loud belly laugh at something one of the others had said; why couldn't he have laughed like that with her?

She couldn't work out where she had gone wrong with Clark Kent, she thought he adored the very ground she walked upon, how did she make him hate her so much to do what he did? A bolt of intense jealousy shot through her as Lois Lane touched his arm and he looked up at her with a broad smile on his face as she left the table to get more drinks. Seeing her window of opportunity, Lana stood from her own seat and made a bee line for the counter where Lois was standing, waiting to be served.

"Hey, Lois." Lana breathed a silent sigh of relief that the venom she was feeling towards the other woman didn't seep into her voice.

"Lana. Hi."

"So," struggling not to scowl at the note of dismissal in Lois' voice, Lana pressed on, "How're you?"

An eyebrow was raised, "He's fine."

_Busted. _"Wh-what do you mean?"

Lois turned fully to face her, one hip leaning against the counter as her arms came up to fold across her chest, "Clark. He's getting along just fine, thanks. Don't try and pretend that you care how I am when I know damn well that you're missing what you should never have let get away." She turned back to face the girl who had appeared behind the till and placed her order while Lana fumed silently, "If you're that concerned, why not go ask him yourself?"

"Oh, no, that's alright, I-"

"**Hey, Smallville! Lana wants to say hi!**"

Lana blushed a bright shade of crimson as Lois' yell killed all the background noise in the cafe and brought all attention onto them. She chanced a glance at Clark who was looking at her with a perfect poker face and gulped as she detected an angry fire burning in his eyes behind the cool facade.

"Lana." He nodded at her as if they were only slight acquaintances as opposed to what they had been before.

Feeling the eyes of every single patron on her, Lana smiled tightly and beat a hasty retreat, her eyes stinging with hot, embarrassed tears.

Paying the girl behind the counter, Lois expertly balanced three re-filled mugs as the background noise picked up again and headed back to the table. Sitting down, she screwed her nose up as Clark took his drink from her, "Green tea, Smallville? Why?"

Clark smirked, "It's a great fat burner, Lois, you should try it sometime."

She swiped him on the arm and took a long draw from her own double strength espresso, "Nuh-uh, you will never be able to talk me out of my precious java."

Chloe shot quizzical glances at both of them, "Guys, did you miss what just happened?"

"Nope." Clark sipped at his tea, grateful for its calming effect.

"She only has herself to blame, Chloe, she's a manipulative little cow and I for one don't like her."

Chloe blinked at the harshness of Lois' words; her cousin had never been one to pull her verbal punches but even that was a little excessive. She looked at Clark to gauge his reaction to Lois' barbed words and was surprised to find him exchanging a knowing smile with his former nemesis. She blinked again, finding herself in a strange parallel universe where Lois and Clark seemed to see eye to eye and actually agree on things. Clark had been different since his split with Lana, and when Chloe had called him on it he was surprisingly enigmatic, saying only that Lois had helped him more than he could have ever asked. As she watched them now, it was as though they were two completely different people than the two who had met under questionable circumstances in the middle of a corn field two years ago. As lois laughed freely at something Clark said Chloe couldn't resist smiling herself, there was definitely a new dynamic in place between the two of them, it would be interesting to see where this new energy would take them.

She smirked unseen into her coffee cup, the irony not lost on her as she realised that maybe her visions of the two of them together hadn't been so far-fetched after all.

***

Clark leaned back against the barn wall as once again he found himself watching Lois face down the most powerful man this side of the east coast. Bruce had come to the Kent Farm for an impromptu visit to Senator Kent, and after concluding business had headed for the barn to find Clark and Lois carrying out the day's chores there. Clark had been shoveling hay while Lois had her head crammed under the bonnet of the ever-recalcitrant tractor, she was wearing one of Clark's shirts - her unofficial farm work uniform - with the huge sleeves rolled up past her elbows. On arrival, Bruce had made the fatal error of commenting on her choice of print, pointing out that plaid was hardly considered haute couture even in Kansas. The remark had immediately riled her and she wasted no time in getting right in the billionaire's face,

"Look, we're not in the city now, this is what people wear out here. So what if I wear one of his-" she jabbed an accusatory finger at Clark, "shirts? It's great for getting mucky in, although I doubt you'd know anything about that."

"Actually, you'd be surprised," Bruce exchanged an amused glance with Clark, Lois was certainly a wildcat. He smirked teasingly, "All I meant was that the two of you make a great couple, you complement each other so nicely with your matching clothes."

Clark hit a laugh behind his hand as Lois turned a violent shade of purple, "YOU _WHAT?!?!_ We do NOT match! We..." she trailed off as she swung towards Clark to make her point and realised that they were in fact wearing matching red plaid shirts. She shot him a withering I'm-so-going-to-kill-you glare before turning back to Bruce with a saccharine smile pasted all over her face, "So, what brings you to Smallville? Ran out of charities back home so you thought you'd come and rain some pity on us poor country folk?"

"_Lois!_" Clark pushed himself off from the wall in an abortive gesture, he liked Bruce Wayne, he didn't want her to drive him away before he even got to know him properly.

Bruce held out a placating hand to Clark, not taking his eyes off Lois, "It's alright, Clark, besides," his eyes narrowed and he leaned down into her personal space, stopping with his nose a mere inch from hers, "she knows what I can do to her precious Metropolis Sharks."

All the colour drained from Lois' face as she abruptly remembered that Bruce had followed through on one of his threats to her at Lex's party and bought the Sharks; the feature on his buy-out had covered the back pages of the Daily Planet. Her mouth went dry, "Oh crap."

"Oh crap is right." Bruce smirked and straightened, "Actually, that's part of the reason why I stopped by; I have a gift for you." He pulled two pieces of paper from his inside jacket pocket and handed them to Lois whose eyes promptly widened to the size of saucers.

"Half way line seats? No way!" She gazed up at him, confusion all over her face, "Why?"

"To prove there's no hard feelings." He smiled as Lois' face lit up like a kid's at Christmas. She threw her arms around his neck in a quick, very un-Lois hug, then let go to run at Clark where she grabbed him and planted an equally un-Lois-like kiss on his cheek, complemented him on his choice of friend and then ran from the barn to call Chloe and tell her the news.

Clark watched her go with a wide smile, it pleased him to see her so happy, she deserved it after helping to make him so relaxed again.

"And now to the real reason for my visit."

Bruce's voice brought Clark's attention back to his guest, he frowned as she smile fell from his face, "I thought you came to see my mom."

"Senator Kent needs my help and she shall have it, but there's a different proposition I'd like you to consider, Clark."

Clark's frown deepened at the the serious tone in Bruce's voice, "...Okay."

Bruce began to pace as he explained that he had been collecting the details of several people in regards to an advanced peace-keeping force, as he talked his whole demeanor changed before Clark's eyes from sociable young business man to deadly serious adult.

Clark waved his hands, "Bruce, why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to join me."

Clark frowned, confused at where his friend was going with this line of discussion, "Join you? Why? Bruce, you've lost me."

Bruce fixed him with a steady, calculating gaze, "There's something I must tell you before I go into any more depth." He drew himself up to his full height and took a deep breath, "I am The Batman."

Clark scoffed, "Yeah right! Look, Bruce, I..." he trailed off as the steady, unwavering gaze from Bruce's stormy grey eyes held the blue-green of his own, "You're not kidding..." Clark swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry; why was his new friend telling him all this after so short an acquaintance? "Alright let's say say you're really the Batman, why tell me?"

"Because, Clark, I know about your abilities, I know what you've been doing to help in this town and in Metropolis when your path takes you there, I-" Bruce stopped as he realised his audience was no longer listening.

A sheen of panic had descended over Clark's eyes and he backed away from the unmasked vigilante as his heart beat an erratic tattoo against his chest, "You know about me? So that's why you're here, you've come to take me to Arkham haven't you?"

"Clark, wait, I-"

"_HAVEN'T YOU?!!_"

Bruce reached into his jacket, he had really hoped that it wouldn't come to this, but Clark's blind, frantic panic was keeping him from hearing what Bruce had come to tell him; with a grimace, Bruce pulled a small piece of rock from his specially doctored pocket and watched in dismay as the younger man suddenly began gasping for breath, stumbling backwards as his knees gave out.

"Bruce... Bruce, please, don't do this." Tears of betrayal sprung into Clark's eyes, he tried to muster enough strength to flee but failed, falling instead to his knees as his heart palpitated wildly in his chest.

"Clark, you need to calm down, I'm not here to take you away, I just need you to listen; if you can do that I'll put the Kryptonite away."

Oh dear Lord, he even knew the meteor rock's name! As unconsciousness threatened through the pain, Clark made a decision, if he could get Bruce to put the green K away, he could escape as soon as his strength returned. Weakly, he nodded his head and gulped in greedy lungfuls of air as his lungs suddenly reopened, the pain receding as the kryptonite was shielded from him once again.

"I'm not here to commit you, Clark, I'm here to recruit you; here," he placed a CD-ROM on the work bench, "take a look at what is on this and call me if you're interested." Without another word, he turned and left the barn.

Clambering unsteadily to his feet, Clark made his way over to the bench, picked up the disc and looked at it, what the hell was going on?

***

Lois rubbed her eyes and finally shut down the document glaring from the small screen of her laptop, if she never read this stupid speech again it would be too soon. Stretching, she yawned mightily and wandered from where she had been working in the kitchen towards the stairs with the intention of sneaking past the sleeping Clark and collapsing into her much-missed bed herself. However, her oh-so-desired sleep would prove to evade her for at least another couple of minutes; as she entered the living room of the farm house she found Clark not passed out on the sofa as she'd expected, but fully dressed and staring blankly at the chimney breast from his perch on the sofa. She'd not seen him this deep in thought since his split from the pink overlord and her heart sank into her shoes, surely he'd not suffered a relapse?

"Clark? What's wrong?"

He jumped before turning to face her, a tired smile on his face, "Hey, Lois, you startled me; I thought everyone had gone to bed."

"Me too." Lois yawned again and plopped onto the sofa next to him, "You look like someone just killed your dog."

"Shelby?" A note of panic slipped into his voice as he looked frantically around, "Is he okay?"

Lois rolled her eyes, his relationship with that damn dog never ceased to amaze her, "Yes, Clark, it was a figure of speech, Jeez!"

Clark laughed nervously, "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little on edge."

Lois eyed him curiously, "Want to talk about it?"

He sighed, "I've been offered a place on a team, if I take it my life will change forever."

Lois frowned, confused, "You're playing football again? You kept that quiet."

Clark looked at her, his face hiding the turmoil he was feeling; now would be the perfect opportunity to share his secret with her, the problem was he hadn't quite bolstered up the courage to do it just yet, "No, not football, it's more along the lines of research and... uh... law enforcement."

Lois' nose scrunched in deeper confusion, "You're training to be a cop?"

"Something like that."

She placed her hand on his, the late hour making her sloppy in the use of her usually tightly controlled reactions around him, "I'm sure whatever you chose will be for the greater good, you have a habit of doing the right thing."

Clark looked down at the hand resting on his own, all thoughts of sleep vanishing from his mind as his heart filled him with the same phantom warmth he'd been feeling around her for weeks, only this time he found himself clinging to it, like it was a lifeline to all that kept him from rejecting his human upbringing and just thrusting himself headlong into his heritage. He knew that the moment he fully embraced who he was a door to unimaginable power would be opened, Jor-El had made that much clear to him; but if he did he was terrified that he would never be able to feel this way again, like any other human male did when a woman touched him. He swallowed, his voice suddenly sticking in his throat, "Lois..."

Lois patted his hand, oblivious to his inner turmoil, "You'll do the right thing, Clark; you always do." Rising to her feet, she headed for the stairs before he had chance to respond and tiredly climbed the wooden steps to bedfordshire.

When she was out of sight, Clark resumed his staring contest with the chimney breast, he had the feeling he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.

*

Lois lay on her back, glaring at the ceiling as sleep refused to claim her, dammit she was so tired! Her sluggish thoughts drifted to the man downstairs and his enigmatic response to her queries, she knew he had secrets - who didn't around this town? - she just wished she could help him with the immense burden they seemed to be. As her eyes finally drifted closed she smiled sleepily, Clark was a good man, he'd make someone really happy one day.


	5. Inside of You

**Chapter 5 of 13 - Inside of You**

_It seems so obvious, there's something up with us, I swear I feel it from across the room._

Clark sat at the kitchen counter playing with his breakfast. It had been two days since he had received Bruce's invitation and he was actually quite excited, the cause seemed like one he could really fight for; but, naturally things weren't so simple, something was still bothering him. Jor El had told him in no uncertain terms that he must complete his training at some point or he would never fulfill his potential, therefore he would have to return to the fortress for an indefinite period before he would be ready to join Bruce. He was lost deep in thought when Lois staggered into the room in her pajamas, her hair tousled and her eyes still half closed as she embarked upon her daily morning quest for coffee. Clark was so engrossed in watching his oatmeal splatter from the spoon into the bowl that he didn't see her looking quizzically at him.

"Smallville, I know it's slop but you'll find it generally makes better food than a semi-attractive table decoration."

Stirred from his musings, he looked down and realised that the counter top was spattered with globs of his now cold cereal. Mumbling about people who were crabby without caffeine he set about cleaning up the mess he had made.

"Still thinking about your offer?" She bit into the apple she had taken from the fruit bowl next to the coffee pot.

"Uh-hmm."

"Try thinking about the alternative; what would you be doing if you didn't join your team?"

Clark tossed the dishcloth into the sink and leaned against the work-top, his arms folded across his chest as he faced her, his eyes staring absently at the floor, "College I guess; don't know what I'd do though, maybe geology or history."

"Which option is more important?"

his lips twisted, "The Team."

"There you go then, problem solved!"

"I'd have to leave on training, I'd be gone for a long time."

"... Oh."

Clark looked up curiously at the note of disappointment in her voice, a smile creeping onto his face, "Miss me?"

Lois quickly recovered from her genuine disappointment, of course she'd miss him, they were friends! But the chance to rib him was just too tempting to ignore, "You'd like that wouldn't you?" She approached him, her lips smirking playfully, "Me, sitting home alone, crying into a tub of Rocky Road and watching soppy romance movies because my big, strong man left me." She stepped close and adopting a dramatic, soap character air, put her hands on his chest and cried, "Oh, Clark, please don't go!" She pretended to swoon and laughed as he caught her before she could hit the floor. "No chance, Smallville." He straightened, pulling her back up into a standing position and she returned her hands to rest against his chest so she could gaze up at him seriously for a moment, "I keep telling you this and hopefully it'll finally penetrate that thick skull of yours, but you are an honourable man, Clark, your irritating habit of always doing the right thing stands you in good stead. Do the right thing now." Without thinking, she stretched up on tip toes and kissed his cheek; when she descended and stepped back, mild surprise at her own actions evident in her eyes, she smirked at his dazed expression, "Oh grow up, Smallville, it was only a peck." She turned and left, dismissing the sudden heat in her chest as indigestion from the bad mix of coffee and apple.

Clark's heart abruptly dropped a beat as she kissed him and he blinked, frowning; what the hell? Shaking off the odd sensation growing in his gut as she left, he headed out to the barn; he had chores to do before his mom woke up.

***

Clark struggled not to fidget as his mother fussed around him, cleaning invisible specks of dirt from his suit and straightening his tie; he blew out a frustrated breath, "Mom, would you just relax? Lois did all this already, the only way to get me any straighter would be to put me on a rack and stretch me!"

Martha smiled as she stepped back from her son, he looked splendid in his tuxedo and it warmed her heart to see him all grown up, "I'm sorry, Honey, you look fine, I... Uh, Clark?" She trailed off as she realised she had lost his attention, his gaze had left hers and was now fixed on a point over her shoulder, his lips parted slightly in surprise. Biting back a smirk - she had a feeling she knew exactly what had caught her son's eye - Martha turned with a proud smile, "Oh, Lois..."

Lois blushed as she finished descending the farmhouse stairs and fiddled with her dress, frowning, "You're sure it isn't too much? I'm supposed to be there as your assistant, this feels a bit too dressy for work, maybe I'll go change-"

**"NO!"**

Lois was halfway through her re-turn towards the stairs when Clark's exclamation stopped her dead in her tracks. She slowly turned and watched as he turned a dangerous shade of crimson, his eyes dropping to his shoes, suddenly inordinately interested in their shine, "I... I uh... I mean, it's a nice dress, you should wear it... Excuse me." He fled out the back door and Lois frowned at her boss, her heart skipping in an unfamiliar yet thrilling manner,

"What was that all about?"

Martha fought valiantly to keep the smile from her face, "I don't know, Honey, uh, why don't you go out front and see if the car is here yet?" Once Lois had closed the front door behind her, Martha finally let rip the enormous grin she had been carefully guarding from both the youngsters; they were so blind it almost made her laugh out loud! The face-splitting grin subsided into a more serene smile and she gazed up at the ceiling, shaking her head and muttering, "Oh, Jonathan, I hope you're getting all this up there."

*

Chloe was amused. In fact she was more than amused, she was almost delirious with mirth and with the subtly mischievous Martha Kent on her side, Chloe was having the most entertaining night of her life. Lois loitered behind her cousin as Clark clung to his mother's skirt like a tiny child; catching Martha's eye across the room, Chloe returned her smile and felt her insides jump as she picked up on Lois' shuffle closer to her as she tried to hide the fact that she was watching Clark.

"Lois, what is with you tonight? Shouldn't you be schmoozing for Mrs. Kent?"

Lois almost stumbled over Chloe's shoes, earning herself an annoyed glance from the latter, "Yeah, later."

"Why not get Clark to help you? I think he's cramping your boss's style."

"Uh, no thanks, I can manage." The flush that followed almost had Chloe shaking her stupid, blind relative.

"Well then would you do it already? I happen to quite like the shoes you're destroying with your size seven feet."

Lois' eyes widened and she quickly glanced across the room at her terrified house mate - who was coincidentally staring right back at her - before returning to her cousin's eyes, "I'm not so sure that's such a great idea just yet." She lowered her voice to a whisper, "Clark keeps looking at me."

Chloe pressed her lips together, determined not to laugh in her favourite cousin's face she lowered her own voice to match, "That's because _you_ keep looking at _him_."

"No I don't."

Lois' answer was too quick and Chloe suddenly had a brainwave as the band began to play a slow number, "Well in that case, you won't mind if I do this." And at that she set off across the ornate hall, Clark Kent in her sights.

*

Allowing Clark to leisurely swirl them across the dance floor, Chloe's eyes narrowed evilly as she picked up on Lois staring at them, green venom in her eyes. Smirking so Lois wouldn't see, Chloe cuddled closer to Clark and bit back a victorious crow as she felt a laser beam glare pierce her back; she could scarce believe it but Lois was jealous! She chuckled, earning a confused glance down from her tall companion, "What's funny?"

"Oh, nothing." Chloe met her cousin's eyes and smirked at her, _you don't like it? Then do something about it!_ Lois flushed an angry shade of red and Chloe all but laughed, this was so easy!

*

Lois forced herself to look away from the dance floor, she couldn't explain the sudden interest she had in who Smallville danced with, and to be quite frank, she didn't care for the feeling. Clark was a friend and even that term was pushing it a bit; she lived in his house, ate his food, slept... she gulped as a flutter abruptly asserted itself in her gut... she slept in his bed, the bed that had initially smelled of him: all male and hormones.

She caught his eye for what felt like the millionth time that evening and cursed her belly as it tripped over itself, what the hell was wrong with her? It was _Smallville_ for crying out loud, was she ill? Had the cheese she'd eaten for lunch been off? That would certainly explain the bloody annoying flip flopping her stomach was doing whenever he looked at her. He did it again and she cursed herself for the second time in as many minutes as she realised that she'd been watching _him_ waiting for him to look at _her_.

A smooth, masculine voice drifted to her ears, "Aren't you Senator Kent's aide?" She turned towards the source and smiled at the handsome blonde man smiling back at her,

"Uh, yes; Lois, Lois Lane." She held out her hand, grateful for the distraction from her suddenly irresistible house mate.

The man took her hand and shook it gently, "Oliver Queen, it's a pleasure, Miss Lane; I hear you've been systematically reducing Senator Kent's opposition to blubbering wrecks."

Lois smiled, her go-get-'em ego suitably stroked, "I do try." Oliver's smile was white and devastating and Lois was soon finding her predicament over Clark becoming a distant memory... at least until,

"Excuse me."

Lois' heart leapt into her throat as Clark's voice sounded close behind her. She could almost feel him burning Oliver to a cinder even though she hadn't yet turned to see him. Oliver introduced himself and Lois saw Clark's hand reach over her shoulder to grip his firmly; Oliver winced slightly through his smile and she could swear she heard the sound of bones creaking.

"Lois, could I have a word please?"

"Uh, sure, excuse us, Oliver."

A minute and a quiet corner later and Lois found herself nose-to-clavicle with Clark, "Lois, who was that guy?"

She frowned, her defensive nature springing forth at his accusatory tone, "Why? What's it to you?"

"He looks familiar, I just think you should be careful."

"Well he should look familiar, he's on the 'America's Richest' list, he's loaded!"

Clark's voice softened and his hands came up to grip her upper arms lightly, "I'm sorry. Look I know it's not my place to tell you who you can and can't talk to-"

"Then why are you?"

His eyes blazed for a fraction of a second, "Because..."

She didn't manage to get another word in as he kissed her.

*

Clark lost his breath as his body went careening out of his control into complete auto pilot mode and kissed Lois Lane.

He was kissing Lois Lane.

He wasn't supposed to like this.

He wasn't supposed to like her.

But as her lips softened under his he couldn't help but revel in the soft buzzing that filled his body. His lips, still out of his control, slowly moved against hers, coaxing her lips apart and allowing him deeper access as her body followed the example of her lips and softened against his. Her hands came up behind his neck to tangle softly in his hair and he tightened his arms around her, pulling her closer as the tip of his tongue flicked teasingly against hers.

*

Clark was kissing her.

She should be fighting.

Why wasn't she fighting?

Because she wanted Clark to kiss her? Surely not; but as she gave in to his advances, she found herself questioning why she hadn't done this sooner, his lips were so soft and undemanding against hers... _BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE HIM! THAT'S WHY!_ But if she didn't like him why was she kissing him back?

And why did she suddenly want so much more?

Something was vibrating against her chest... with a hot shudder she realised it was a growl, and it was coming from Clark whose kiss had suddenly turned demanding.

*

Clark felt his fingers curl into Lois' body, a primal growl of barely held restraint juddering through him as a searing burn suddenly sprang to life behind his eyeballs and shot down his spine.

Tearing himself free from her with a gasp he fled, heading for the exit; he knew that if he stayed he'd hurt her with his abrupt and uncontrollable need.

"Clark?"

Her call to him burned his ears but he didn't dare turn back for fear of what would happen.

Once he was outside and safely out of sight, he put on a burst of speed and returned home in a blur of black and white. Stopping inside the barn, he collapsed against a wall, his knees giving as he struggled to catch his breath, his body still clamoured for the attention it craved, sending hot pulses down his spine until his sudden erection was throbbing painfully. Feeling the burn behind his eyes again, he clamped both hands over them for fear of burning the barn down. Gasping shallowly, he struggled to calm his body, to will the heat away or at least down to a more manageable level.

After several long moments, he decided the fire had subsided enough for him to open his eyes again and he leant his head back against the wooden wall, bouncing it softly against it at his own stupidity.

He should have known better, he should have pulled away from her when the telltale buzz had begun but it had been so long since he'd felt it that he almost hadn't recognised it until it was too late. When he had been with Lana he had felt desire, the buzz had been a pleasant accompaniment to the normal heat of teenage passion, but this _burn_ of raw passion he'd felt tonight, this was new and it was frightening. His mouth went dry, he could have killed her.

Dear God.

Lois had sparked something in him tonight, something primal, it was as though some primitive need had been set aflame; he couldn't stay away from her, couldn't control himself when he was around her. For that fraction of a second he had not only wanted her, he'd _needed_ her and it terrified him.

His eyes went to the set of drawers where the key to the fortress was kept. Rising to his feet, he went to them and pulled the key from its hiding place; it felt warm and right in his palm, perhaps the time had come, perhaps Jor-El could teach him the control over this sudden power surge that he'd need to be able to be with Lois.

Perhaps tonight had been the sign he needed to see that it was time for him to leave.

_So can I ask you this? Not to be forward miss, but I think I'd kill myself if I never knew..._


	6. Clark's Trials

**Chapter 6 of 13- Clark's Trials**

"I came to say goodbye."

Lois jumped at the sound of Clark's voice behind her. Turning in her desk chair, she looked at him standing in the doorway with a large duffel bag at his feet and raised an eyebrow at the dark shades perched on his nose, "Little dim in here for sunglasses isn't it, Smallville?"

Ignoring her attempt at levity, Clark entered the room and approached her warily, careful not to get too close in case he accidentally toasted her, "I'm leaving; I don't know how long I'll be gone, I just wanted to say goodbye before I went."

"Oh. Okay." She cheered inwardly as she succeeded in keeping the disappointment from her tone, she'd known deep down that he would leave but a part of her had always hoped he would stay, "Well, good luck." She rose to her feet and held out her hand, not trusting herself to offer any closer contact.

He took her outstretched hand and immediately felt the sting of tears in his eyes, "Thanks." The formal handshake ended but he didn't retract his hand, as she gazed up at him neither did she. He swallowed, forcing the hitch from his voice, "Lois..."

Her lower lip twitched and she forced a watery smile onto her face, "Take care, Smallville." The next thing she knew, she had been enveloped by his long arms, her body pulled tightly against his as he hugged her close.

"Lois, I..." The undeniable hug had started as a fierce yet friendly parting, but the feel of her body pressed against his, her arms wrapped around his back and her face buried into his neck caused the frightening heat from the night before to again begin building behind his eyes. Squeezing his eyelids shut, he tore himself away and left, not trusting himself to say anything more.

Once he had gone, Lois sank back down into her chair, her arms wrapped tightly around herself in an attempt to stave off the sudden chill that had replaced the warmth of his embrace.

Unseen by anyone she let the tears that she'd been valiantly holding back since he had taken her hand fall, tracking silvery trails down her flushed cheeks.

Why did he have to leave just as she was falling for him?

***

Removing the dark glasses from his face, Clark entered the fortress and called out to his father, dropping his bag by the entranceway.

The answering voice echoed around the huge cavern, "Kal El, welcome to your home for the next four Earth years. We must begin immediately; proceed into the next chamber where you will find your first challenge."

Clark did as he was told, shaking his head and murmuring a disbelieving "_Four years?_" as he went. Entering into the indicated room, he stopped dead in his tracks as he was greeted by an all too familiar figure; a muscle in his eye twitched, "Lois?"

Jor El's voice boomed around the cavernous teaching hall, "Almost. This is a crystalline representation of the one who prompted your return to me,"

Clark circled the figure, amazement in his eyes as her hazel gaze followed him.

"How? Why?"

"She is the one who triggered the fire, she is the one for whom you must control it; what better to practice your control on than an indestructible model of the one who has ensnared your heart? You must learn to adapt to any changes in your abilities as quickly as they assert themselves or you will be a danger to those you wish to protect; we have already lost a day to your new level of heat production so this is your first lesson."

Clark gulped, the perfect replica of Lois already tricking his senses into buzzing into life, "But this isn't her, it's not right."

"Would you rather incinerate the one you love?"

Clark immediately protested, his confusion over the fledgling feelings for his housemate churning disturbingly in his gut, "I don't love her, I... No." He deflated, it was pointless to argue with Jor El, he wouldn't be told anything counter to what he wanted to hear.

"Then let us begin."

The replica approached him and he swallowed hard.

*

Back in Smallville, laying in bed, Lois stirred in her sleep, her dreams filled with light and colour and heat, and... Clark.

*

Clark panted for breath, fire pouring from his eyes as the crystal Lois touched him, his heart throbbed painfully in his chest as the crystal's hand went to his waistband. Before she could reach inside though, his large hand wrapped around her delicate wrist, stopping her dead, "No, you're not her."

Her voice tinkled with crystal and Clark was grateful that Jor El hadn't made her a completely perfect replica - if she'd spoken to him with Lois' voice he wasn't sure he'd be able to resist much longer, "Then you must fight against me; control the fire, Kal El."

Clark looked at her, watched as the fire streaming from his eyes hit her and refract around her body like nothing more than a sunbeam on water. As he focused on her, he saw her for what she was: a crystal. Then he pictured her as his Lois and tried to tamp down on the heat, but to his horror it increased, slowly draining him as he failed to separate her from the heat she had set ablaze in him, the loop of creation and destruction feeding maliciously upon itself. He stumbled and fell to his hands and knees, crying out hoarsely as the fire finally went out, not through control but through sheer exhaustion.

He panted weakly, his head shaking in defeat, his eyes closed, "I can't... It's too hard."

His father's voice was stern as it filtered through the crystal structure, "If you cannot do this then you will fail. Get to your feet, Kal El and try again; do not stop until you succeed."

Clark clambered unsteadily to his feet with a grunt and opened his eyes with a gasp, the heat spilling forth once more and engulfing the glimmering replica in flame. This time, she screamed and Clark stumbled backwards, his hands clamping over his eyes as his ears rang with crystal chimes.

"Again, Kal El."

Shaking himself, determined not to give up, Clark found his centre, relaxed and opened his eyes, the heat beginning to affect the crystalline structures around him as his eyeballs seared with pain. The desperate need to control the heat bubbled up in him and a full throated scream erupted from his throat as he threw his head back, blasting the fire towards the ceiling. The crystal replica Lois touched his throat gently, intimately, and the heat doubled, tripled, quadrupled, bursting a hole through the roof of the cavern and still it didn't stop. Clark screamed again, balling his fists, his nails digging painfully into his palms as he finally felt the blaze begin to fall under his control. 'Lois' kissed his neck, just below his left ear and the red hot heat suddenly turned white hot and he dropped to one knee, his head still thrown back by the force of it.

"Control the inferno, Kal El."

Jor El's calm voice pierced the maddeningly shimmering, superheated air around Clark, giving him clarity and focus as his clothes scorched and fell away from him and he forced himself back up onto two feet, feeling his own power swirling around his naked body as tears of blood evaporated the instant they left his eyes.

Unconsciousness threatened, the immense energy drain of continual super-heat production on his system urging him to stop and rest, but he couldn't, he had to continue, had to learn the control, even if it almost killed him.

The heat stuttered as his exhausted body finally began to fail, his voice, hoarse from screaming croaked in desperation, "_NO! NOT YET!!_" He nearly had it... just a little longer... His vision hazed even as he fought against it, "No, please, not yet..." The heat finally died and his eyes rolled back in their steaming sockets as unconscious finally claimed him and he fell bonelessly to the cold, hard floor, a simple sleeping cot emerging from the ground to catch him just before he hit.

***

Lois finished final line of Senator Kent's speech with a flourish, glad to have the damn thing finished, she hated writing speeches.

Rubbing her eyes, she stood up from the kitchen counter and wandered into the living room, pulling her hair out of its ponytail en route. Not for the first time since Clark's departure countless months ago she found her gaze seek out the picture of the Kent family sitting in pride of place on the mantlepiece. With a sad smile she went to it and picked it up, running her gaze lovingly over it; each participant in the photograph held a special place in her heart and since the youngest Kent had left she had come to realise that he held the most special place of all.

"Damn it, Smallville," she replaced it with a sigh, "Where are you?"

***

Clark sat cross-legged on his cot, a small, crystalline computer PADD gripped loosely in his hands as he eagerly absorbed the day's lesson on Kryptonian history. His muscles ached with the day's physical training and the simple act of lifting his hand to push his now shoulder-length hair behind his ear was enough to make his arm scream at him. He hissed in discomfort, not taking his eyes from the projected display as it spoke to him in the Kryptontian he had long since become fluent in.

"Levitate while you learn, Kal El."

Clark did as he was told and rose a few inches above the bed, even though he was exhausted the days lessons were far from over and Jor El would not let him rest unless he was satisfied that Clark was learning to the best of his ability.

A fleetingly curious thought chased through his mind and he tipped his chin to address Jor El without taking his eyes from the display, "How long have I been here, Father?" Clark had unconsciously slipped into speaking Kryptonian after being forced to learn it so quickly and found it to be a strangely comforting connection to his long-dead biological father.

"Two Earth years."

Clark fell back down onto the bed with a soft 'thump', his shock breaking his concentration, "_TWO YEARS?!_"

"Levitate, Kal El."

"Yes, Father." lifting again, Clark blinked in surprise, it only felt like yesterday that he had said goodbye to his mother and held Lois in his arms.

Lois...

The hot tingle began behind his eyes and he smiled sadly, easily holding it at bay as thoughts of Lois flooded his mind and sent warmth curling languidly through his body. He sighed and could have sworn that Jor El chuckled, noticing his plight.

"This day's lessons shall conclude early today, Kal El, as you are clearly _distracted_." Clark, realising to what he was referring, covered his nakedness self-consciously with a blanket as the thoughts of Lois took a turn for the pleasant, "You may make contact with your Earth mother."

"Mom? I can go see her?" English reasserted itself at the mention of his family and he stood up eagerly.

Jor El tinkled sadly, "I'm afraid not. You may not see your Earthly companions until the training is complete, but you may speak with them; I have enabled your mobile communication device for half an hour." Clark frowned as the hint of a smirk crept into Jor El's voice, "Tell Martha Kent I said hello."

***

"Fancy meeting you here."

Lois smirked as Oliver Queen's voice sounded just over her shoulder, "Indeed, what a coincidence." Accepting the glass of champagne he handed her, she looped her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder as they looked down on the room full of people below in the main hall. She smiled as she watched the happy bride and groom swirl across the floor in a well-practiced Viennese waltz, "He better make her happy, that's all I'm saying."

"Who Lex? Are you insane? He's crazy about her."

Lois narrowed her eyes, "That's what I'm afraid of."

*

Clark staggered as wave after wave of green pain washed over him.

He fell to his knees, grunting as sharp shards of crystal drove into his vulnerable skin and his long hair fell into his eyes. With a shaking hand he pushed it back and grit his teeth against the agony ripping through him, his target was nearly within his grasp, all he had to do was get there without passing out with the pain like he had done the last seventeen times.

"You must push harder, Kal El, your enemies will use the green Kryptonite to disable you."

"Hard... So hard... not to black out..." He struggled to his feet and strained forwards, determined this time to reach the end of the course as blood trickled down his shins. Sweat slicked his skin and dripped into his eyes, but he blinked it away and pushed onwards, he could make it this time. His fingers grazed against the target and he croaked in victory, then cried out in frustration as it vanished and rematerialised twenty meters and several kilos of green K away. "NO!"

"A hero is forged in the fires of adversity, my son; you must overcome all obstacles if you are to fulfill your potential. Now, keep moving."

***

Lois smiled down at the blonde man knelt before her, hope in his eyes and a small smile on his lips. For a long moment she hesitated, her thoughts returning to the one who had left the moment he stole her heart. The bitter taste of bile rose in her throat as she thought back on the complete absence of contact from him as she knew he had contacted his mother once. She straightened, reaffirming the smile on her face,

"Yes, Ollie, I will marry you."


	7. Stay the Same

**Chapter 7 of 13 - Stay the Same**

_We've walked together down this winding road in search of something true, together we grew,_

_But now our journey has come to an end and it's on to something new, for me and you._

Clark raised a hand to shield his eyes from the cold, arctic sun, his eyes stinging with the bright, barely filtered light reflected a hundred times from the white, frozen tundra. He took a deep breath as the fortress fell dark behind him and smiled slightly as the cold, frigid air stung his lungs; he had spent so long in the artificially maintained conditions of the crystal construct that he had forgotten how alive the air was, even out here in the barren wasteland of the Antarctic.

Gathering his newly-honed energy about himself, he crouched low then launched himself into the air, a wide grin splitting his face as the air currents whistled around him, his long hair whipping in his wake.

As he flew, his natural homing impulse carrying him unerringly towards Smallville, he let his thoughts wander. It had been four years since he had left all he knew and set off to embrace his heritage and the teachings of his father, the years had sped by for Clark as he found himself thoroughly involving himself in all he had to learn. Thankfully, the dread he had held onto for so long in regards to his biological father had been unfounded; Jor El had turned out to be a noble and wise master, understanding of the ways of Mankind and patient in his teaching.

A finger crept up to pull on the collar of the shirt he had arrived in, it's previously roomy cotton now pulled almost uncomfortably taut over his now enlarged, toned muscles. It felt strange to have fabric against his skin again, it was scratchy and confining compared to the nakedness to which he had become acustomed. A button pinged off the front and projected itself Earthward to bounce off a startled seagull's head, Clark smiled as the poor bird squawked and flapped indignantly, glaring at it's cohorts, attempting to ascertain which had attacked it. For a fleeting second, Clark was reminded of Lois and his heart jumped in his chest.

Lois...

His brows furrowed into a frown as a horrible thought asserted itself: he had been gone for four years, and had left just as something had begun to sprout between them. He grimaced, surely she wouldn't have waited for him, the fledgling feelings between them had after all been just that: fledgling. Putting on an extra burst of speed, Clark sped homeward to his mother and the answers which he suddenly found himself craving.

*

Lois smiled encouragingly at her fiance as he spoke eloquently to a group of foreign dignitaries, this was the part of the job she least enjoyed. Schmoozing with the high-fliers, gaining support for senator Kent or Queen Industries when she'd much rather be unearthing the undoubtedly seedy undertones of said supporters' status. She envied Chloe, she was doing exactly what Lois would love to do with her life: getting her hands dirty in Metropolis, revealing the truth in a city riddled with lies. But alas, as Oliver's business dealings necessitated maintaining relations with those of questionable wealth, her hands were tied. As she left Oliver's side to get herself a stiff drink, Lois wished, not for the first time, that she still had Clark to turn to; his unflappable dedication to truth and justice always buoyed her spirits when she had lost all hope in mankind like she had tonight.

Leaning against the bar, she sighed and fingered the sparkling engagement ring on her finger. She loved Ollie but she knew he was keeping something from her, and as he pushed for her to set a date for the wedding, she held back, unwilling to become eternally entwined with a man who would willingly lie to her.

Said truth-hider approached her and she plastered a smile she didn't feel onto her lips, face had to be maintained for Queen Industries and that meant that the beautiful fiancee of the Executive Director had to appear to be blissfully happy.

Even when she was exactly the opposite.

*

The moment he walked through the front door, Clark found himself enveloped in the most welcome embrace he had ever experienced.

"Hey, Mom." He brought his arms around her carefully, mindful of his new strength and reluctant as a consequence to hug too hard.

"Clark, my goodness, I can hardly reach around you any more!" Martha laughed as her eyes welled happily.

"Yeah, Jor El worked me pretty hard." The English, unused in the two years since the permitted phone call to his beloved Earth mother, held the hint of an accent, "You should see what else I can do."

Martha stepped back and held her son at arms length, her practiced gaze scanning him from head to toe from eyes more lined than Clark remembered, "You look like a man, Clark," her eyes welled again and this time a single tear slipped down her cheek, "Your father would be so proud."

Clark smiled sadly, his gaze automatically finding the photo of the three of them on the mantle piece as his voice slipped to a whisper, "Yeah."

As Martha watched him gaze at the old, faded photograph, she saw his eyes focus on a picture to the left of the well-fingered frame and she smiled, knowing who he was thinking about as his expression became soft, a hint of a smile playing around the corners of his lips.

"She still works for me but Lois lives in Star City now... with her fiance..." Martha's lips thinned sadly as his face became a mask.

"Oh." His soft tone screamed volumes to her, she was well aware of how close they had become in the weeks before he left.

"But Chloe's still around, she got her position at the Daily Planet and she visits quite a lot. She's seeing a lovely young man at the moment, Jimmy Olsen, he works with her. Oh! I almost forgot," Martha left him staring at the mantle for a second as she nipped out into the hallway to retrieve the item that had been left for him not long after he'd gone. "I was asked to give you this when you got back." She handed him a cream business card with gold leaf embedded around the edges.

Clark took it and gazed blankly a it for a moment before finally gathering himself with a few rapid blinks, "Bruce; of course." He looked up from the card and met her eyes, "I'm sorry I have to leave again so quickly, but this is important." He bent and kissed her briefly on the cheek, "I'll be back soon. I love you."

*

When Clark returned home, he was pensive, his face blank as he entered the living room where his mother sat curled up in her favourite armchair, a book held loosely in her hands as she looked up at him.

"Sweety? Is everything okay?"

Sinking down into the sofa, Clark didn't meet her eyes, "Did you tell anyone I was back yet?"

Martha frowned, what was wrong? "Uh no, I thought I'd better not until you knew what your next move was going to be."

"Good. If anyone asks, I'm still away. Except Chloe that is, she'll know as soon as I make my next move so I may as well give her the heads up."

Martha's frown deepened, the book laying forgotten in her lap, "Clark, what's going on?"

"You remember Bruce Wayne?"

"Of course."

"He's assembled a League of sorts, he's been working on it for some time and said he was awaiting my return before he set things in motion. I'm going to go out to Gotham and stay with him for a while while we get the ball rolling," he finally met her gaze and smiled weakly, "I get to do good, Mom, out in the open like I always wanted to."

He still looked troubled, far more than he should have been for someone who finally got their dream, "Then what's wrong?"

Clark forced a smile onto his face, wincing inwardly as his mother's frown deepened even more, he hated lying to her, "Nothing, everything's fine."

_So goodbye my friend until we meet again some other day._


	8. If Only

**Chapter 8 of 13 - If Only**

_I thought it wasn't wrong to hide from you, the simple truth, I was scared._

Clark gazed up at the huge computer screen, his chin propped in his hand as an index finger hovered undecided over the 'enter' key. His mother had mentioned that Lois' fiance was something of a high flyer and he had typed her name into the Google search bar, however he found himself hesitating over whether he really wanted to know the lucky man's identity; knowing the name would make it real.

"Are you ready?" Bruce's voice sounded behind him, startling him from his hesitation.

Clark spun the chair round and stood, "As I'll ever be." He gestured to a door that stood discretely off to the side, "Lead the way."

Bruce's next statement was spoken in a wry tone of voice, "Personally I find it a little garish, but I think you'll find it will suit your needs quite nicely." He punched the code into the door and it swung open, revealing a small closet in which was displayed a male mannequin wearing the most colourful piece of clothing Clark had ever laid eyes on.

Clark blinked and smirked, "Whoa. Guess I don't need to worry about anyone noticing my face in this."

Bruce's amused smirk mirrored Clark's, "Indeed, why don't you try it on? I'll give you some privacy."

As he turned to leave, Clark held out a hand, "No need." Flashing Bruce a cheeky grin, he swirled into a spin, blurring out of human focus for a second before slowing to a stop, his arms crossed across his broad chest.

Bruce blinked in shock at the man standing before him; he had expected his younger friend to look ridiculous in the bright red, blue and yellow costume but he looked surprisingly imposing, his defined muscles and height working to his advantage. Instead of looking silly, Clark looked almost regal as the deep red cape draped down his back, the tight fabric of the costume stretching to fit him like a second skin.

"So? How do I look?"

Bruce put a thoughtful finger to his lips and murmured, "Super..."

Clark laughed, his teeth flashing in the low light of the cave, "'Superman'? I don't think so. That's way too pretentious."

Bruce raised an eyebrow.

Clark's expression fell, "You're serious? Bruce, no! I can't call myself Superman, I'm supposed to be helping people, how can they trust me if I elevate myself above them?"

"Clark, you'll do that the minute you use your powers in public in this costume. You have to elevate yourself, if they perceive you as any other regular Joe who just happens to have amazing abilities they'll never respect you." His expression darkened, "And the criminals will never fear you."

Clark's eyes widened, horrified at what Bruce was suggesting, "Bruce, I don't want to scare anyone."

Bruce turned from him, approaching the massive computer bank Clark had vacated, "You'll have to lose the 'good boy' attitude too, or you'll crack before you've been at this a week."

Clark frowned, "I think I'll try it my way first."

"Suit yourself." Bruce picked up the cowl to his own costume and slipped it on, securing it at the nape of his neck, "Now I think it's about time you made your debut, don't you?"

*

Chloe smirked at her cousin as she caught her gaze flicker to the window for the fifteenth time that night, "He doesn't make house calls, you know."

Lois, realising she'd been distracted again, huffed irritably, "Who doesn't?"

"Superman."

"I wasn't looking for Superman." The answer was too fast.

"Your flush says otherwise," Chloe smirked even wider as Lois' blush turned an even deeper shade of red, "It's okay, Lois, we'd all like a piece of that, he's hot stuff!" She stood from her new couch and crossed the floor of her swanky new apartment to the kitchen, opened the shiny new fridge and took out an expensive bottle of wine. Pouring herself and Lois a glass, she reminded herself to thank Clark again for the exclusive, promotion-worthy interview on his unveiling as the city's new protector.

"He's not a piece of meat, you know."

Chloe met her cousin's gaze again and was surprised to find anger swirling in their hazel depths, "Yeah I know, I'm just saying he's pretty hot. Not much left to the imagination with that costume."

"You should know."

Chloe frowned at Lois' tone, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The interview. You've seen him up close and in the flesh, that's all, no need to sound so offended."

"Oh."

Lois' next statement was thoughtful, "Doesn't he look sort of familiar to you?"

Chloe bit her tongue and forced nonchalance into her own voice, "No not really."

"Hmm." There was a knock at the door, "I'll get it." Lois mooched to the door, her thoughts on Superman still lazily swirling in her mind as she opened the door without checking who it was.

"BACK INSIDE! HAND OVER YOUR VALUABLES!"

*

Elsewhere in the city Clark was patrolling, soaring high in the night sky he opened his hearing out to take in all the hubbub of the organised chaos below when the sounds of a break-in reached his ears. Pulling a quick 180 in the air, he bulleted towards the sounds of a scuffle coming from Chloe's new apartment block on the East side of town. Arriving just as one of the would-be burglars pulled off a shot from an illegal pistol, Clark caught the bullet mid-air, disabled the gun and seized the attackers before they had even felt the breeze of his entry.

Tapping the two men gently on the back of their heads, he caught them as they slumped, unconscious before turning to Chloe and her companion, "Are you alright, Miss Sullivan? I-" His eyes finally registered who Chloe's guest was and his mouth went dry, his heart stopping dead in his chest as he fought to keep the glow of happy recognition from his face, "I-I hope you are unhurt?"

Chloe was wide eyed, her head not moving but her gaze flickering madly between Lois and Clark as the former stared blankly at the latter who in turn seemed unable to look away, "Uh, yes, thank you,_ Superman_," her emphasis on his new name shook him back to himself, "... Uh, hadn't you better take those two to the police?" She gestured to the two unconscious burglars, giving Clark the chance to escape before Lois twigged who she was staring at.

Clark straightened immediately and hoisted the two men up, "Of course, good evening, Miss Sullivan," he couldn't help himself as he gazed again at Lois, his heart flip-flopping in his chest, "Miss...?"

Lois seemed to shake herself, "Uh, Lane, Lois Lane."

He smiled politely, "Miss Lane." nodded, then sped from the apartment with his captives in tow."

The two cousins stood in silence for a long moment before Lois slowly bent to pick up her bag, "I'm... gonna go home. Night, Cuz."

Chloe blinked and frowned, "To Star City? It's late, you should stay here."

"No, no," Lois' voice was vacant, as if she was day dreaming, "I'll be fine, I'll call you in the morning." And without another word she left.

*

"Clark, I think you should take a break."

Clark didn't move from his position at the computer bank, "I'm fine, Bruce, I really need to get this research on Luthor done."

Bruce's mouth pressed into a thin line, Clark had thrown himself whole heartedly at the JLA upon his return a year ago, which was exactly how he had expected him to when he first suggested it. What he hadn't expected was the literally 'whole heartedly' part; when Bruce had met Clark for the first time at Lex's party, he had seemed such a happy young man, quick to humour and always ready to banter. This older Clark hardly ever smiled, took his work more seriously than was necessary and was starting to develop dark rings around the skin of his invincible eyes. Bruce was worried that he'd retreated into himself so far that he'd never be able to emerge as that smiling young man. He was interrupted from his introspection by the arrival of the Green Arrow.

"Hey, Guys." Oliver pulled down his hood and tucked his sun glasses into the top of his leather jacket, "What's going on?"

Clark looked up from his work with a small smile, "Not a lot, just the usual."

Oliver rolled his eyes and joined Clark by the computer, "Luthor up to his old tricks again?"

"Seems so." Clark straightened from the terminal and stretched the kinks from his neck, smirking at his blond friend, "One of these days I'm just going to let you shoot him."

Oliver laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, "I'll corrupt you yet, Big Blue! Hey," he turned to include Bruce in the conversation, "Why don't you both come by the mansion tonight? I'm hosting a fund raiser for a state senator and my fiancee will be there, you'll finally get to meet her. After hearing me moan about her for so long, you must be curious."

Bruce felt a small smile play at the corner of his mouth as Ollie's easy-going nature managed to prompt an all too rare smirk from Clark, the younger man quipping, "Well I would quite like to meet the woman who's managed to put up with you for this long. Bruce?"

Bruce nodded, "Sure, I'll ask Alfred to get you a new tux, Clark, I'm pretty sure you won't fit in the one you wore at Lex's."

Clark blushed and Bruce smiled, he always found Clark's bashfulness about his tightly muscled body amusing. Oliver left and the two men got back to work, Bruce pleased that the old Clark had managed to peep through a chink in the new Clark's armour and Clark quietly hoping that he'd be able to slip away unnoticed early on, he really wasn't one for socialising these days.

Later in the evening as Bruce and Clark stood in the hallway putting the finishing touches on their suits, Bruce fished inside his inner pocket, "I almost forgot, I got you these." He held out a stylish pair of glasses with plain glass lenses.

Clark took them with a quizzical frown, "What are these for?"

"I don't know if you'd noticed, although I'd be willing to bet a large part of my fortune that you did, but this is the first time you've been out as Clark Kent since you returned from the Fortress."

Clark blinked, "Has it really been that long? I-I thought..."

"You thought you'd be able to hide from the world behind the Superman guise."

"No, that's not it."

"Oh really," Bruce turned to face him, his arms crossing over his chest as he did so, "then what is it? What's been bothering you? You've been with me here for nearly a year and during that time you've never smiled."

Clark was almost pouting, "I have smiled."

"I mean a real smile. The girls back in Smallville called it your megawatt smile, I've not seen that smile in over five years."

Clark was silent, not really knowing what to say; thankfully he didn't have to think about a response as Alfred announced that the car had arrived to take them to Star City.

_Will this pain ever end 'cause I don't think I can carry on..._


	9. More Than a Memory I

**AN: **My apologies for not posting these last few chapters sooner, I have the memory of a fish!

**

* * *

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**Chapter 9 of 13 - More Than a Memory**

The ballroom at Oliver's mansion was elegant and beautiful, Clark gazed around the ornate carvings with an appreciative eye, he had always been a fan of classical Greek sculpture and Oliver had plenty of it. Spotting Oliver, Clark made his way over with Bruce in tow to finally be introduced to his friend's fiancee.

Oliver grinned as he came over and reached for the hand of the tall woman whose back was to them as she spoke to someone else, "Honey, there's someone I'd like you to meet," she turned to face the men and Ollie's smile widened, "Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, I'd like you to meet my Fiancee... Lois lane."

Clark's voice had fled the minute he'd laid eyes on her and his blood pounded in his ears as his glance flicked down to her fingers interlaced with Ollie's, a large diamond sparkling on the left ring finger. His wide eyed gaze met hers and his heart stopped dead as he saw his reaction mirrored in her eyes. Oliver was looking between the two of them, one eyebrow raised quizically as they stared thunder-struck at each other. Thankfully, several long seconds later, Lois finally found her voice,

"We-we've met."

"Great! I'll leave the two of you to catch up, I need a word with Bruce." And with a puzzled double-take he took Bruce out of earshot, leaving them alone yet surrounded by strangers in a crowd.

"S-so, how've you been?"

Clark swallowed as her voice caught like he knew his was about to. _Quick, Kent, think of something witty, let her know what she's missing_, "Alone." _Damn it!_

"Oh!" Lois' heart beat a rapid tattoo as she learned he was unattached... unattached and hurting. She took in his appearance and swallowed, he looked amazing; the extra muscle he'd built up during their years of estrangement made him look powerful, the elegant lines of his suit emphasising his impressive physique. There was the faintest whisper of an accent to his voice which had deepened with his size increase, if she hadn't known him so well before she would have missed it, it was kind of sexy... With a jolt she dragged her ENGAGED mind back to the subject at hand, "So... how long have you known Ollie?"

A muscle next to his eye twitched, "About a year. Do you love him?" His eyes widened in mortification as his mouth ran off on it's own. Before she could recover from the shock of his abrupt question to reply, he excused himself and all but ran for the privacy of Oliver's office.

"Hey, are you okay?" Lois' mouth worked like a fish's for a second as Ollie re-appeared at her elbow.

"Y-yeah," _No I'm not. Ask me why, please, question why I'm acting like I've been shot,_ "I could really use that drink right about now."

"Sure. Come on, let's go get some punch, I'm pretty sure Chef put about three bottles of vodka in it."

As he led her away, meter after aching meter away from Clark, Lois felt her heart fall into her stomach; he was hurting, alone somewhere in this building and for the sake of propriety there wasn't a damn thing she could to about it.

*

Entering Oliver's spacious office, Bruce found his closest friend in a state the likes of which he'd never seen the taller man. He'd torn off his glasses and thrown them on the mantlepiece above the fire, the nervous energy radiating from him in waves as his usually unflappable calm lay in tatters on the floor of the ballroom downstairs. He paced the length of the room, his hands alternating between digging into his pockets and wringing themselves until the knuckles went white.

"Clark?" Bruce frowned as Clark jumped and fixed him with a wide-eyed stare.

"She-she's here, with Oliver, I thought I was over her ages ago but I was so wrong." He stopped pacing and murmured to himself, "So wrong." He looked up and stared at Bruce in hopeless desperation. "Bruce, I don't know what to do." His hands buried themselves in his hair as he resumed pacing the office in frantic desperation.

Bruce's heart went out to his pure-hearted friend, he knew that Clark had some pretty heavy duty unfinished business with a girl from back home, but he had been fiercely private about the whole thing and had never even told Bruce the woman's name. He thought back on what Oliver had said to him in confidence a few weeks prior, he had come to realise that asking Lois to marry him had been a mistake as she was still deeply attached to a man from her past. As much as he loved her, Ollie knew he would never be able to make her as happy as she deserved to be, he knew he would never truly have her heart. That precious part of her was already taken, and Bruce grimaced as he contemplated the effect this could have on the JLA team. But as he watched Clark pace a rut in Oliver's expensive Persian rug, Bruce understood that sometimes the heart had to take priority over business. "I think it's pretty clear what you need to do, Clark." Bruce leaned against the desk and sipped from his glass of brandy, "Go to her."

Clark stopped pacing and stared at him, his eyes wide, "But Ollie..."

"Will understand. Come on, Clark, you know he's been having some major personal issues with his fiancee."

"Yes, but I didn't know his fiancee was Lois!"

Bruce placed a reassuring hand on Clark's shoulder, "Would it have changed your professional relationship with him if you did?"

Clark couldn't meet his eyes as shame sank through him, "Yes."

"Then it's better that both of you didn't know about each others' history with her."

"Bruce, I can't just take Lois from him, he's our friend!"

"Yes he is, but he also saw the way the two of you were looking at each other tonight; he's not an idiot, Clark, he knows there's something between you. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he leaves alone tonight whether you make a move or not."

"I can't do it." He sighed gloomily, "Besides, she's not mine to take, she never was." He walked over to the window, the huge glass offering an impressive view of the Gotham skyline.

"Very well." Pushing away from his perch on the desk, Bruce joined his friend by the window and said in a low voice, "Just don't make the same mistake I did. I lost the woman I loved to a much lesser man all because I couldn't be open with her." One last, fleeting touch on his shoulder and Bruce left him alone to his thoughts.

*

"Ollie."

Clark's cape swirled around his ankles and he suddenly felt ridiculously self-conscious in his garish costume as Oliver looked up at him from his seat at the navigation table, "Hey, Clark. Look, I've been wanting to talk to you. I'm sorry about Lois last night, she gets a bit nervous in crowds and-"

"I'm in love with her." He blurted.

Oliver blinked, "_What?_"

Clark sank down into a chair at the table and buried his face in his hands, "I'm so sorry, I tried to forget her, tried so hard and for so long, I tried everything, even some dodgy memory drug from a witch doctor in Borneo, but it didn't work." He lifted his head, his usually immaculate hair shredded from his tense fingers, "I fell in love with her about five years ago in Smallville, but I'd just been through a messy break-up with the woman I thought was the love of my life, I didn't know if what I felt for Lois was real or just some sort of rebound infatuation." He surged to his feet and began pacing as the words spewed forth, his need to be honest with his friend overriding any sense of decorum, "we kissed once and something inside me just snapped; I had my first of many since power surges that day and it terrified me. I left Smallville that night to begin my training with my Father, the issues between us went unresolved and it's been tearing me apart ever since I came back. I threw myself at the JLA hoping that if I just immersed myself in our work that I could forget her, and then, just when I thought I had put her behind me, she turns up with you last night and it all came screaming back. I'm so sorry, Ollie." He turned to look at his friend and was surprised to find him smiling, he frowned, "Ollie? Isn't this the part where you punch me in the face?"

Oliver rose to his feet and put both hands on Clark's shoulders, the better to look deeply into his friend's desolate eyes, "It'd be a waste of time and a perfectly good hand." He smiled sadly, "I was actually looking for a reason to break things off with Lois,"

Clark's heart leapt into his throat, strangling his voice, "You were?"

Olliver nodded, "I knew she didn't really love me, not enough to go through with marrying me. I knew she was still hung up on someone else, " he barked a good-natured laugh, "I had no idea it was you!"

"So, you're not mad?"

Oliver slapped him on the shoulder and took a step back, "No, Clark, I'm not mad. But look, if you're going to give it another shot with Lois, be honest with her, come clean right up front or she'll just push you away." His lips quirked into a wry smile, "Trust me, I should know." Returning to the navigation table, Ollie sent his friend a wink, "Good luck, Superman."

_You're so much more than a memory..._


	10. With a Fight

**Chapter 10 of 13 - With a Fight**

_I want to feel my heart explode... _

_no more procrastination dragging my feet below._

Clark couldn't keep the big, stupid grin from his face as he soared through the city towards Chloe's apartment. Chloe had called him earlier in the evening and told him that Oliver had broken up with Lois and that Lois she had asked her to contact Superman then clear off to Jimmy's for the night. Clark had frowned, confused, "But why does she want to speak to Superman?"

_"I don't know, Clark, but she didn't mention you by name at all."_

Clark's frown had deepened to a scowl, "Great, so I don't get her as me but I get her as Big Blue?"

_"According to what I hear from Bruce, Big Blue _is_ you these days."_

Clark had terminated the call quickly after that and sat for a long time in his costume, staring at his unused-for-some-time civvies stacked neatly on a shelf in the corner, Oliver's words playing back in his mind. Be honest with her? Could he really do that after a year of suppressing himself? How would he handle it? 'Hi, Lois, I'm Superman, oh by the way I think I've fallen in love with you.'? She'd think he was insane. So he'd simply flown over in the form she requested and decided he'd play it by ear when he got there.

*

A muscle in Lois' eye twitched as the smooth, deep voice of the world's greatest super hero sounded behind her.

"Good evening, Miss Lane, what can I do for you?

Without a word she turned from her position by the terrace door, moved towards him and reached up to his hair, her fingers shredding the immaculately styled tresses and pulling them down onto his forehead, "Did you really, honestly think I wouldn't recognise you? Do you think I'm _STUPID?!_

Clark took a startled step backwards as a furious fire ignited Lois' eyes, threatening to fry him where he stood; he swallowed nervously, "I, uh, kind of hoped you wouldn't."

"Just how long had you planned on maintaining this charade? And how long were you planning on keeping Clark Kent AWOL?"

His voice was small, conscious of the fact that he was in deep shit, "I-I don't know."

"Get out." She turned her back on him.

He took a step towards her, "Lois,"

"Out, Clark. Go." She tried valiantly to keep the hurt from her voice, she didn't want him to know how upset she was, but when his hand fell onto her shoulder, she crumbled, her voice cracking as a sob escaped her. Whirling on him, she slapped him across the face as hard as she could, thankful that he reacted in time and rolled with it, his head snapping to the side with the force of her blow. His head came back to center and he locked his wide, greeny-blue gaze on hers, staring into her very soul as a hand came up to cup her cheek.

"I'm sorry." He bent his head and kissed her gently, chastely.

Lois, to her credit, pulled back and yanked herself free of his touch, "Don't you dare... you can't just waltz in here and think you can pick up where we left off, not after A YEAR of flying around without so much as a hello."

Clark flushed, feeling silly for the second time in as many days in his costume, "Do you... do you mind if I change while we talk?"

Lois, realising that they were still outside, nodded and blinked as her hair was swept back off her forehead as he spun like a small whirlwind. When he came to a stand still he was dressed in street clothes and Lois felt a hot surge of anger as he pushed the glasses he'd been wearing two nights previous up his nose, "TAKE THOSE OFF!!" Her hand shot up and tore them from his face, throwing them behind her into the apartment, "I know damn well you don't need those and what the HELL do you think you're doing trying to disguise yourself with me?" She was so mad that she'd stepped well into his personal space and shoved a finger in his face.

"Lois, please, calm down."

Lois turned puce, "Calm down? CALM DOWN?!" She shoved him into the apartment, and moved to follow, "You have no idea how much I despise you right now."

Clark went cold as she spat her hatred at him, what had he done? "You... you..." he couldn't bring himself to complete the repetition as tears welled in his eyes, "But I-"

She cut him off with a shushing finger to his lips, "Don't even think about saying what I think you were about to say, not yet."

Hope filled his chest at her delaying words and he nodded. She removed her finger from his mouth and stepped away from him, turning her back as she spoke, "What happened the night you left? We were... kissing... and then you just ran away from me, what was that all about? And why did you leave so quickly after? I-I..." Anger filled her again, quashing the vulnerable part of her that had peeked out for a second and she spun to face him again, her face contorted in rage, "I fell in love with you that night! I'd fought it and fought it and when I finally gave in, you up and left! For four years! Tell me _you_ wouldn't be angry."

Clark's voice was small, "I'd be angry, believe me I was angry at myself, but you have to understand, I had to leave then and there."

"_Why_, Clark?" She crossed her arms tightly, defensively, "Why did you have to run screaming from me? Explain it to me please because I am so mad right now that I'm this close," she held her thumb and forefinger about a centimeter apart, "to just kicking you out forever."

He looked at her for a long moment before approaching her, when she didn't move, he said, "I'll go one better, I'll show you," and taking her in his arms he gazed down at her, losing himself in her eyes. His breathing unconsciously matched hers as he felt her sway closer, he whispered, "Let me kiss you," and when she nodded dazedly he touched his lips to hers gently, gradually drawing her out from behind her protective firewall. The kiss slowly set them both aflame as their lips moved together, each of the other's softness exciting them. He felt the burn flare to life behind his eyes and he gasped into her mouth, he had forgotten the effect that the real Lois had on him. Ensuring his control was firmly in place, he pulled back and looked at her, "Open your eyes."

She did so and widened them even further in shock as she watched molten, red and yellow fire swimming in his eyes, "What _is_ that?" Her voice was hushed, reverent at the beauty she was beholding.

His tone matched hers, the moment of intimacy stretching between them, "This is what you did to me. I can control it now but when it first happened I nearly burned the building down, if I hadn't run when I did I could have killed you." He slipped out of her embrace, took a step back and the fire in his eyes extinguished. "A lot changed while I was gone, Lois, I developed some amazing new abilities, suffered through trials the likes of which I hope you will never have to endure and all so I could become what I am now." He held his arms out to the sides, his palms open and facing her as he gazed steadily at her, "I am a saviour, I am a hero," he stepped towards her again, his arms still held out to the sides, "but I am still a man, I am still Clark Kent," he lowered his arms as he came close enough to touch her. He cupped her cheek again and breathed a silent sigh of relief when she didn't shy away from his touch, his brows pinched with the emotion that crept into his voice, "I'm still in love with you. I wish I had never had to leave you, but please, Lois, you have to believe me when I say I had no choice; this was the only way I could be worthy of you."

Lois' breath caught in her chest as the softly murmured words melted the angry shields she had thrown up around herself in the initial rage of discovery. She swallowed and gazed up at him, fighting back the lump that was forming in her throat, "I think you should go, Clark," his expression fell and she rushed to comfort him, "before we do something neither one of us is ready for."

"I-I'm ready." He felt the hot sting of tears begin to cloud his eyes, _please no, don't send me away, not after this..._

Lois smiled sadly, "No, you're not, we need to take a little time over this, Clark," her voice fell to a whisper, "let's not mess it up again."

He swallowed the taste of bile that had risen in his throat, "Alright, I'll go, but before I do..." he leaned in before she could gather her tattered wits enough to stop him and as his lips touched hers, an explosive concussion shook the very air around them.


	11. Without a Fight

**Chapter 11 of 13 - Without a fight**

_Now I want everyone to know... we must pick up the pace. _

_No time to play it safe, before you know it's much too late..._

Lois jolted away from Clark as the concussion made her ears ring. shoving the heels of her hands against her ears, she watched as Clark became a blur of colour and her hair whipped in his breeze once again. When he stopped spinning, Superman was standing before her, regret and determination set in his features.

He took a quick step towards her, "We'll finish this later," pressed a hot, possessive kiss to her lips and bulleted into the sky, in search of the source of the blast. When he'd gone, Lois stood rooted in place, her lips still tingling from his touch as her fingers came up to lightly trace the phantom sensation.

Her whisper was carried away on the suddenly cold night air, "Be careful..."

*

Clark, pumped up on the adrenaline of what had just occurred between he and Lois, flew hard, the wind making his cape snap in his wake. Another blast buffeted him and he put on another burst of power, his brows drawing together in determination. As he sped over the riverside district his peripheral vision picked up the scene of devastation and for a second he was torn between landing and helping those in distress or carrying on to the source of the chaos. The immediate threat taking priority, he swallowed back his momentary guilt over the inability to help for the time being and rocketed towards what he could now feel as something radiating immense power.

Something was hovering in the air over Hobbs bay and he scowled, his emotions getting the better of him as he realised that was the bringer of this destruction. He came to a halt just outside of the humanoid's immediate energy field and as he scanned it, giving it a once-over he felt his skin crawl irrationally. The alien - there was really no other word for it - appeared to be a cross between a man and a lizard, its lightly muscled body was completely white and sported a large, reptilian tail that swayed lazily through the air behind it. The alien's black, iris-less eyes met his and his breath stopped in his chest, he'd seen this creature before. Part of Jor El's training had covered other space-dwelling species, one of which was hovering before him right now. The TsiruJin were a cold hearted race but mostly harmless; however, this one was a known space criminal.

Swallowing back his momentary fear at what he knew this being to be capable of, Clark folded his arms across his chest and adopted an air of confidence, "Frieza."

The alien cocked its bald, white head and hissed, "You know of me, Earthling?" He grinned, baring a row of razor-sharp teeth, "Excellent, then you will know better than to oppose me."

"That would depend entirely on what your intentions are here."

Frieza narrowed his eerily black eyes at the unspoken threat in Clark's voice, "I claim this planet in the name of the Frieza Empire. Yield and live."

Clark's arms came free of their folded position without his conscious awareness and fell to his sides, his fists balling in anticipation, "I don't think so."

The alien looked at him for a long moment then burst out laughing, "YOU intend to oppose me?! How very amusing!" The smile fell from his face, "Oh PLEASE do, it's been so long since I had a decent fight and I sense a reasonable amount of power in you, enough to keep me amused for a few minutes at least."

Clark drew himself into a defensive stance, grateful that Jor El had thought to teach him all there was to know about fighting techniques from the known galaxies, "I'll try not to disappoint."

Frieza smirked, "All I ask is that you call me 'Master' at least once before I kill you." He launched himself at the aloft super hero.

*

"Can't you drive any faster?"

Lois' fingernails were practically digging the stuffing from the passenger seat in Jimmy's car as they raced through the streets of Metropolis towards Hobbs Bay.

"Sorry, Lois, I'm going as fast as I can."

"If we're not quick we'll miss all the action, I..." Her gaze was drawn up into the sky where a series of blindingly white flashes were erupting, concussive waves rocking the city with each one. Squinting, she could just make out a white blur and a blue and red blur hurtling towards each other, causing a flash, rebounding back and crashing together again. "Whoa..." Her breath caught in her chest at the magnificent spectacle, she'd never seen Clark in action before.

Jimmy leaned his head back over his seat, not taking his eyes from the road as he dodged the angrily honking traffic, "Where do you want to pull over?"

Lois' voice was awed, "As close to them as possible... It's beautiful..."

*

Clark for his part was not feeling beautiful _or_ spectacular, the alien was insanely strong and he was getting the beating of his life. Blood erupted from his nose as Frieza's fist impacted with his face, sending him reeling backwards through the air to bounce off the side of a building and plummet towards the ground. Shaking himself free of the daze of pain, he caught himself before he could hit the ground and arced back through the air to come at the creature again. Bringing his locked fists together on Freiza's head, he felt a dark wave of satisfaction as his opponent fell towards the ground himself. Frieza hit the dirt with a loud crash, then clambered to his feet to stare up at the hovering hero. To Clark's horror, Frieza gathered so much energy he could feel the air around him crackling, before pushing off from within the mini crater his body had made to rocket towards Clark. Clark barely got his arms up in a block in time as the TsiruJin rammed his head into his gut. Doubled over from the force of the blow, Clark coughed up and spat out a mouthful of blood, momentarily dazed and unseeing of the second attack as Frieza elbowed him hard in the back of the neck.

As he hurtled towards the ground for the second time in as many attacks, Clark spotted Jimmy's car near to the area of the fight and took a moment to groan inwardly as he sensed Lois nearby. Landing hard he felt something in his arm pop wetly and pained tears clouded his vision for a second. He rolled to his feet and took a second to fix his own dislocated shoulder, crying out in pain as it crunched back into place. Flexing his fingers experimentally, Clark grimaced as pain lanced up his arm, it was a poor job but it would have to do for now. Glancing around in a quick attempt to find his danger-magnet ex best friend, he crouched low using the ground as leverage as he blurred into the sky, aiming a smashing blow for Frieza's torso. Crying out again as his relocated shoulder flared with agony, he realised he'd have to break out the big guns. He disliked having to go nuclear on living targets but there was no way he was going to come out of this fight alive unless he did. As Frieza recovered quickly from the gut busting punch, he grabbed Clark's head and began to squeeze. Seizing the opportunity, Clark gathered his energy and blasted his opponent right in the face with a super-heated blast. Frieza released Clark with a high pitched scream and clutched at his burned skin, tumbling from the sky as his concentration scattered with pain.

As the space tyrant fell from view, Clark hunched over in the air, using the space to attempt with limited success to catch his breath. Drifting back down to the ground, his hearing picked up on Frieza a safe distance away trying to heal his face with his bare hands alone. Deciding he was safe for the time being, he redirected his super hearing, locating Lois nearby speaking frantically into a mobile phone, he cocked his head and heard Chloe on the other end. Allowing himself a quick smile - she was calling the story in and she wasn't even a reporter! - he hustled over to where she was. Finding her crouched behind a dumpster, Clark smirked down at her, an eyebrow quirked as his arms folded themselves imposingly across his chest. Realising she was no longer alone, she stopped talking and froze like a naughty child caught whispering by her teacher.

"Uh... I'll call you back." She closed the phone and smiled sheepishly up at him, "Hi." Accepting his proffered hand, she climbed out of her hiding place, "That was some fight! Is he... uh..."

Clark winced at the unspoken word, "Dead? No, but he shouldn't be too much of a threat now, I-" his senses suddenly twanged, "LOIS, GET DOWN!" He shoved her unceremoniously flat out on the ground as an energy bolt sizzling with power bounced off his back, burning a hole in his cape. Spinning, he went cold as Frieza faced him down mere meters away, his hand extended having discharged the blast. His face was blackened to the same colour of his eyes which were now burning with hatred as he glared at Clark.

"That was very foolish, human." Another energy ball began to gather in his outstretched palm and panic gripped Clark as he felt Lois moving by his feet. His fear for her must have shown on his face as the furious alien's eyes went to the woman. He smirked evilly, the teeth like razors making another appearance, "You may be indestructible, but I'll be willing to wager that she is not." Aiming for Lois, Frieza released a bolt which Clark, crying out in terror, intercepted only to see Frieza blurring out of focus; whirling, Clark screamed as the alien rematerialised behind Lois and fired the blast he'd been charging in the other hand behind his back at her. She didn't even have time to scream as her torso was pierced and her eyes went blank.

***

**TBC**

HA! Gotcha! Man, that would be so mean!

***

Chloe entered the Intensive Care Unit, her eyes immediately going to the tall, unmoving figure seated by the bed where her cousin lay in state. Lois had been admitted to the unit two weeks ago and Clark hadn't left her side since, refusing all offers of sleep or food and ignoring anyone who tried to sit with him while he watched her sleep. The dark rings around his eyes were nearly the colour of the bruises spread over Lois' side where her flesh was still healing from the nearly lethal blast from the space tyrant. Frieza had quickly been set upon, as soon as he'd fired the blast, by the rest of the Justice League who had arrived in the nick of time; it was a good job they had because as soon as Lois fell unconscious, Clark had been completely out of it. He had knelt with her head cradled in his lap, tears streaming down his face as he screamed his anguish until his throat was torn and bleeding. Batman had managed to break him from his cocoon of pain and misery with a quick assessment and statement that Lois was still alive and could possibly be saved if they got her to the hospital fast enough. Fast wasn't a problem for Clark who raced there as quickly as he dared - too fast and he'd kill her himself, too slow and she'd die before he could save her. Luckily he'd had enough of his senses left to remember to change before taking her inside, which meant he hadn't had to leave her at all once she was admitted. So here he was, exactly as Chloe had left him the day before.

"Clark..." She kept her voice low, she had found that he seemed to respond if she did.

"Hmm." He didn't break his gaze, locked as it was on Lois' slack, unconscious face.

"I brought you some food, your mom sent it." She placed the brown, paper sack next to the untouched one from yesterday.

"Thanks."

"Clark," she steeled herself, the last time she'd tried to talk to him about what had happened he had all but thrown her from the room, "Clark, it wasn't your fault."

To her relief he seemed too tired to fight her this time, merely sighing before muttering, "If I hadn't gone to see her, and let her acknowledge that she knew who I was then she wouldn't have followed me, and this wouldn't have happened; so yes, it is my fault."

"You can't look at it like that."

"Why?"

Chloe's face screwed up in empathy, she knew how Clark must be feeling; she had given her aunt the 'flu that eventually got the better of her ravaged lungs and killed her, "Because you have to go on living, even if she doesn't." A tear slipped down her cheek as the old, buried grief over her aunt's death mingled with the present fear that she'd lose her cousin too.

Clark's voice was barely above a whisper, "I can't go on living without her, Chloe." He swiped at his eyes and Chloe was relieved to see him showing some emotion - he'd been in full on emotional lock down from the moment they'd laid her in this bed, "Ever since I realised how I feel about her, she's become all I think about. Every person I save is her, every criminal I catch and lock away has done wrong to her, I even made sure my costume has a red cape because of her dreams when we were back in Smallville." His shoulders began to shake and his voice hitched; Chloe's arm slipped around him as they sat side by side watching their loved one fight, "It's weird but when she was with Ollie it was okay because she was alive somewhere in the world, I could still fight in her honour," the dam burst and tears slid unheeded down his cheeks, "if she dies, I die right along with her. I may still be breathing, my heart may still beat but I won't be alive."

Chloe wiped her own tears away and tightened her grip on him, "She'll make it, Clark." The determination in her voice was not unfounded, Lois Lane was the strongest person she'd ever met, stronger even than Clark where it mattered.

He turned to her, childish hope glistening in his eyes, "She will?"

Chloe nodded firmly, "She will."

***

Lois grit her teeth and grabbed the physio bars. She'd been told she would never walk again by the doctors; that was two months and three miles of logic-defying walking ago. Taking a few confident steps, she grinned triumphantly and let go of the supporting bars; whooping in victory - making the old man in the corner scowl at her - she hopped and promptly stumbled, a pair of strong, masculine arms caught her. She smiled up at her own personal super hero, "I had it, Smallville, you don't need to baby me."

Clark grinned, "I know, I just like the feel of you all weak and helpless in my arms."

The smile fell from her face and she glowered at him, "Just you wait, I'll be able to chase you from this hospital pretty soon, then we'll see who's weak and helpless."

He tried but couldn't keep his smile jovial when she reminded him of where they were. Taking a deep breath, he resolved to follow through on the purpose of his visit today, "Lois, can we go somewhere private? I need to talk to you."

She frowned at his serious tone, "Sure." Grabbing a pair of crutches, she waved away the physio's offer of a wheelchair and led Clark from the gym out to the leafy, sunlit gardens of the hospital. Finding them a secluded bench, Lois let him help her to sit, "Clark, what's wrong? You're too serious, even for you."

Pressing his lips together, Clark took another breath and reached for her hands. Settling their entwined fingers between them, he gazed into her eyes, burning them into his memory, "Lois, you were hurt really badly and it's my fault." She made to interrupt him but he plowed on, "You mean too much to me for me to put you in danger like that again, so I'm..." one of his hands freed itself to cup her cheek, "I'm distancing myself from you; it'll hurt like nothing I've ever experienced, especially knowing how we feel about each other, but I can't lose you."

Lois' expression hardened, she had never heard anything so ridiculous in her life, "If you do this you _will _lose me."

A muscle in his jaw jumped and tears welled in his eyes, "I know, but at least this way you'll be alive." He swallowed the painful lump that had formed in his throat at her dangerous expression, "Lois, please, you have to understand, you know that I lo-" she held a hand up in his face,

"Don't... just don't."

"Lois, I nearly lost you, it's too dangerous for you to be near me."

"Leave then. Now. Get up and walk away." Her eyes flashed angrily.

Clark stared at her for a long moment before slowly rising from the bench, "Goodbye, Lois." His hand came up in an abortive gesture, cut off as he realised that if he touched her now he'd never be able to let go. Giving her a weak, strained smile, he turned his back on her and walked from the hospital grounds, his heart breaking a little more with every step taken away from her.


	12. Interlude

**Chapter 12 of 13 - Interlude**

Clark stepped out onto the balcony overlooking Bruce's gardens and reached up to his stiff collar, loosening the bow tie until it stopped choking him. Fingering the now slack collar, he closed his tired eyes and let the cool night air soothe his face, feeling the tense creases that lined his forehead relaxing as the scent of jasmine drifted on the breeze. Letting out a weary sigh he leaned against the carved limestone wall and rubbed his temples in a vain attempt to fend off the headache that was threatening.

He had hoped she wouldn't be here for Bruce's event but it seemed Fate was not without a sense of sadism.

It had been harder than he had imagined seeing Lois here at the Wayne mansion tonight on the arm of another man, a gleaming smile lighting up her beautiful face as she had glanced his way only once and even then barely acknowledged him. He sighed again and shook his head, he couldn't really expect anything better could he? He had run from her for her own safety _again_ only this time she wasn't on the other side of the planet where he couldn't get to her, she was tantalisingly close, close enough for him to touch, close enough for him to take... He couldn't hide from her even if he'd wanted to, she was still working for his mother and as long as he was still visiting her regularly he was bound to run into the woman he wanted with all his heart but couldn't have for her own sake. He had hoped that they could at least remain friends but her cold reception of him tonight thoroughly quashed that hope.

The balcony door opened behind him and he straightened from his slumped position, turning to greet Chloe as she stepped out to join him,

"Hey." She gave him a tentative smile, unsure how she'd be received, he'd been very touchy since the incident at the hospital and she could no longer guarantee that he wasn't going to bite her head off every time she said hello.

He smiled back mirthlessly, "No, before you ask, I'm not alright."

Her smile soured into a grimace, "Yeah, I figured as much."

He turned to stare up at the stars again, "Why is it so hard, Chloe? It seemed so black and white at the time, so sensible to put some space between us," he turned his head towards her, "I made the right choice, didn't I? Keeping her safe is more important than taking what I want isn't it?"

Chloe shook her head, "I honestly don't know what to tell you, Clark. On paper it makes sense, but you're both hurting so much I just don't think it can be that simple."

He sighed, a grimace twisting his lips, "I'm starting to agree with you..." As he folded his arms on the wall and leaned on them, casting his gaze once more over the manicured gardens below Chloe was reminded of his tortured teenage self leaning against the window of his barn, gazing longingly at a certain brunette's house, "I just can't stop thinking about her and how much I want to be with her, I just... I can't!" He pushed away from the wall with an agitated motion and began pacing restlessly, "Bruce says it's starting to affect my work, he says I'm distracted and told me yesterday that if I don't sort myself out that he's kicking me off the team, super powers or not."

She leaned a hip against the same wall he had vacated and folded her arms, "Well then it seems pretty obvious what you have to do."

Clark stopped pacing, innocent hope tempered with a touch of cynicism gleaming in his eyes, Chloe often had the answers but they usually came at an unpleasant cost, "What's that?"

"Go to her, tell you how you feel. Hell, grovel if it helps."

Clark rubbed his eyes, he knew it wouldn't be that simple, "That's what Bruce said in the first place."

"If we're telling you the same thing then maybe that's because we're right," she approached him and put a comforting hand on his arm, "Clark, what's the worst that could happen if you just stopped being so scared and threw caution to the wind?"

His eyes darkened and a shadow passed behind them, an image of Lois laying unconscious in the hospital fighting for her life flashing through his mind, "She could get hurt, Chloe, you know that."

"She could get hurt anyway and then what would you do? You can't wrap her in cotton wool, Clark, she's free spirited and independent, she'll chase what she wants to the ends of the earth; you can't cage that and forcing this distance between you won't protect her, it'll just make her mad." Chloe's face was flushed as she finally told her best friend what she had been keeping bottled up for weeks, "You're an amazing person, Clark, but you're also the biggest, dumbest alien alive sometimes; go to her. Now. Don't waste any more time thinking about it and beating yourself up, just do it."

Before he realised what he was doing, Clark's feet had carried him to the same door Chloe had come to him through. He turned back and quirked a small smile at her in thanks, his heart warm with her constant, unwavering friendship and support, "Chloe... I-"

Chloe pointed at the door, "Go!"

He grinned and ducked inside.

*

Lois's face was beginning to ache. The false smile she had plastered on the instant she had spotted Clark from the corner of her eye had effectively covered her fluttering heart, but now it was starting to slip. Remembering why she had come to the event with... Fred was it?... in the first place, she mercilessly pushed the giddy feeling the thought of Clark prompted down and brutally thrust the gorgeous super hero to the back of her mind.

Her date had already bored her to numbness and she smiled along with his terrible story, "And then I said, well you can take your investment and stick it where the sun doesn't shine!" Fred covered his simpering, tittering mouth with his hand at his own terrible boldness and Lois rolled her eyes inwardly. Glancing quickly around and making sure that Clark was nowhere to be seen, she slipped away and all but ran from the most boring man alive. Not watching where she was going in her haste, she scuttled straight into a towering wall of flesh, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I..." she looked up into the face of her bumpee and felt her own face go white as her pulse throbbed angrily in her chest, "Oh. It's you."

A muscle in Clark's eye jumped as a faint flickering of unease flitted through him, there was something... off... about her tonight, "Hi." He eyed Lois who was watching him intently, the colour having returned to her face and an odd glint appearing in her eye; feeling a strange roiling in his stomach, he continued, "Your date not as exciting as you'd like?"

"No, not quite." Squinting up at him, Lois experienced a dark wave of pleasure as she spotted beads of sweat breaking out on his brow, faking concern she reached out and placed a hand on his forearm, "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

Clark swallowed, a knot of nausea settling in his gut, "I'm fine, I..." his gaze was drawn to the neckline of her dress where something glimmering had caught his eye, "What's that?"

Lois smirked and reached inside her top to fully reveal the necklace that was poking out of the decolletage. Holding the small pendant up in front of her face, she chuckled at his suddenly widened eyes, "Oh this? Just a little something I picked up recently; do you like it?" She swung it towards him and he jerked his head back, taking a step away from her.

Clark's heart was hammering in his chest as shock ran cold through his veins, what was she doing with _that_?, he dragged his gaze from the necklace and locked shocked, confused eyes on her, "Lois?"

She smiled, sickeningly sweet, "Yes, Clark?"

He swallowed and took another step back, clearing the range of the stone; gulping a breath, he tried again, "Lois, what are you doing?"

The smile fell from her face and an angry heat began to smoulder in her hazel eyes, "Making sure you carry through with your threat. You want to put some distance between us? Fine. I'm just enforcing that distance; by my calculations you can't get to within three feet of me without being affected by this," a dangerous smirk spread over her face that narrowed her eyes predatorily, "and you'll want to, I intend to make sure of that." With one, final parting glare, Lois spun on her heel and marched from the ballroom, leaving Clark reeling with her revelation.

"Clark?"

Clark straightened at the sound of Bruce's voice behind him, his strength and senses returning with Lois' absence, he fought to keep the shocked waver from his voice as he responded, "Yes?"

"Come over here, I want you to meet someone."


	13. More Than a Memory II

**Chapter 13 of 13 - More Than a Memory II**

_I couldn't see from your point of view but I'm doing all I can for you to see that I understand_

Hearing Clark enter the farm house, Lois set her jaw and forced herself not to throw the heavy pan she was cooking with at him as he appeared in the kitchen door frame. "Smallville. Hey."

"Oh, uh... hi." Clark fought not to twist his hands together with nerves; he had known she would be here today and it had taken all of his resolve to buck it up and come over, after all he couldn't let his regular visits to his mother slacken off just because the spurned, armed and very angry love of his life was there in the same house.

The last few times he had seen her he had been dismayed at her follow through on the promise she made to him at the party; he hadn't thought it possible but she had become even more of a weakness to him. Spotting her at the scene of a rescue he had performed his eyes had widened and a low heat collected in his belly as she approached him for an impromptu interview for Chloe who had been needed elsewhere. The short-skirted, gaping bloused business suit she had been wearing had set the animal in him snarling, and the delicate scent of jasmine on her hair had made his senses reel. He'd had to beat a hasty retreat though as his body threatened to react very publicly to the effect she was having on him. And then he'd run into her at yet another function he had attended for his mother and instead of the ice queen routine he'd expected, she'd openly flirted with him, gazing seductively at him from beautifully smokey eyes and touching him gently, subtly. However, as he fell completely under her spell, she pulled out the dreaded pendant and draped it around her neck; he had backed off, yet remained utterly transfixed as the green rock pulsed into life between her breasts. He had been so sorely tempted to just throw caution to the wind on both occasions, but each time the image of her unconscious in the hospital had burned itself across his brain and he'd run away, his tail tucked between his legs.

A delicious scent wafted in his direction and he cocked an intrigued eyebrow at Lois, his discomfort momentarily overridden by his insatiable appetite as he breathed deeply of the smell that made his stomach growl, "Are...are _you_ cooking that?"

Lois' lips twisted into a half smile and she gazed back at him over her shoulder, she couldn't hold onto her anger with him when she could almost hear the drooling in his voice, "Yeah, want some?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Shrugging out of his jacket, he hung it in the hallway and came back into the kitchen, perched on a stool at at the breakfast counter and watched her cook. Slowly a smile spread itself over his lips as he watched her little face screwed up in concentration; propping his chin on his interlaced fingers he let the sight of her working at the stove warm his heart. He'd never had Lois pegged as the homely type, but here in his mother's kitchen she had never looked so... so domestic before; with her hair pulled back in its customary ponytail, her slightly-too-long bangs tucked adorably behind her ears and one of his mother's aprons cinched tightly around her waist she looked completely at ease in the one environment he knew she hated so much. She turned her head to the side to take an ingredient from the work-top and Clark spotted a small smear of foodstuffs on her cheek, he grinned, she was positively cute

He was so busy watching her cook that he missed her fumble the pan and burn herself on the metal; her shriek of pain startled him and he was by her side in a flash, taking her hand and running it under the cold tap before she could make a move to stop him.

"Clark, it's okay, I'm fine."

Clark's response was a terrified, disturbed murmur, "No it's not, I was distracted, I could have saved you from getting hurt." His fingers tensed involuntarily around hers under the cold water as his mind frantically drew a parallel to the far too recent time that she had almost died and he had failed to save her.

Her fingers interlaced reassuringly with his in the water and her unburned thumb began tracing soothing circles on the back of his hand in an attempt to calm him, "It's fine, look, see? Just a little pink." She drew their hands out and held them up for him to see. The motion brought them uncomfortably close and as they froze for a long moment, gazing into one another's eyes, tempted beyond reason to just lean in and claim the other's lips, Clark's heart began hammering for the wrong reason, his face draining of colour.

"Lois," he swallowed, needing to move away from her but held inexorably in place by her hazel gaze, which for the first time in weeks was not filled with malice. Ignoring the pain beginning to throb through his veins he reached up and tenderly wiped the smear of food from her face, "I..." _I love you, I'm a fool, please take me back _"I..." his brow creased into a frown as tears prickled at his eyes, why did it have to be this way? Why was it so damn hard? "I... I can't," he dropped her hands and stepped back from her, shaking his head and reaching up to run his hands through his hair. He felt his heart breaking in two as her eyes filled with hurt, the emotion looking so out of place on the face he had become accustomed to seeing taut with anger at him.

Lois quickly pushed the hurt down and away from her heart; remembering why she was wearing the kryptonite necklace in the first place she narrowed her eyes and glared at him, "If you don't mind, I still have work to do." She turned back to the pan, being careful not to burn herself this time and attempted to ignore him. When he didn't leave and remained standing exactly where she'd left him, burning a hole in her back with his eyes she whirled on him, her hands bunching on her hips, "What?!" Then immediately regretted her harsh tone as she clocked the tears running silent tracks down his cheeks. She sighed heavily, "Look, Clark, you're being ridiculous, I'm not made of glass, I can more than take care of myself; look how many close shaves I've gotten myself out of..." She trailed off as the house shook subtly; was that a quake? Her brows furrowing, she glanced to the window as if looking outside would reveal the cause of the disturbance, then returned her gaze to Clark who had zoned out, staring blankly at a wall. She was about to go over and wave her hand in his face when she abruptly realised he was listening. His face suddenly drained of colour again and he locked a terrified gaze on her,

"He's back," panicking he immediately blurred into a spin, his costume appearing on him as he slowed.

"Who's back?" Panic rose in Lois, she'd never seen him this scared before and she took an involuntary step towards him as he moved for the door.

Clark forced himself to pause and take a second to burn the image of Lois onto his retinas as his heart pounded in his chest, "Frieza." He shot from the house, leaving the glass of the windows rattling in their panes in his wake.

Lois paled and sank down onto a stool.

Oh shit.

*

Clark had never flown harder, the wind buffetted him as he raced full pelt towards the cold energy he could feel north of Metropolis, his eyes narrowing against the wind shear. He had to get to Frieza before the maniac could get anywhere near Lois again. His brows came together in a determined scowl, he would protect her this time, he would.

Wasting no time on preliminaries, Clark kicked his acceleration into an even higher gear and broke through the sound barrier the instant he spotted the familiar white dot in the sky; he slammed into it full force, sending his enemy flying away from the city. Not bothering to pull up and watch the dot disappear, he rocketed after it, hunting down the animal it was and pounding on it as hard as he could. Grabbing the lizard around the throat, Clark drew back the other fist, his lips pressing into a grim line, "Hello, Frieza," and just as he was about to plow it into the monster's face he froze as an all-consuming white-hot pain ripped through him. Releasing the death grip he had on Frieza, he clutched at his chest as he felt himself falling from the sky, the alien cackling gleefully above him as it waved a large chunk of green kryptonite at him and yelled after his plummeting form,

"Hello, Earthling, I hope you missed me!"

Clark hit the ground hard, all the air forced from his lungs with the impact as his world grayed around him.

*

Coming to, Clark found himself lying on his side on what felt like a concrete floor, he also found that although the debilitating radiation poisoning brought on by the Kryptonite had lessened it was still present, leaving him powerless. Blinking the blur from his eyes, he noticed bars; rolling onto his back, he cried out hoarsely as agony shot up his arm and burned in his shoulder. Panting though the pain, he heard a familiar chuckle,

"Dislocated again? You Earthlings are so fragile." Frieza stood up from where he had been perched on a packing crate and circled the prone superhero, his long, talon-tipped fingers reaching out to stroke along the green-tinged bars of the cage holding Clark captive, "But you do amuse me, so I've decided to keep you as a pet." He smirked and Clark grunted something unintelligible, "You should be flattered, after all, not everyone gets to be so close to the future ruler of the known universe."

Clark tried to speak but his voice had fled him. He coughed and tried again, "You're insane."

"Perhaps," he crouched and peered at Clark through the bars, his head cocked to the side, an unhinged smile giving his black eyes a disturbingly dangerous gleam, "but I'll be sure to drive you just as mad." Straightening, he waved his hands grandiosely, "I have a plan for you, Earthling." He paused for dramatic effect and licked his lips, "I'm going to bring your lover here, and right before your helpless little eyes I'll rip her to pieces. I'm sure that'll send you suitably potty, and then I'll have a one-of-a-kind crazy, super powered Earthling to show all my friends." Throwing his head back and cackling loudly, Frieza missed the abrupt change in his prisoner's demeanor.

Clark hadn't heard a word after 'rip her to pieces', his heart leapt into his ears, deafening him as adrenaline flooded his body, sending his senses into overdrive as pure, unadulterated terror turned his vision white. Fury quickly replaced the fear and he clambered to his feet, unheeding of the agony searing through his veins as his peripheral vision shut down and everything shifted into slow motion. Setting his jaw, his top lip curling back, he grabbed a bar with his good arm, wrenched it away from the cage with a piercing, metallic screech and sped free of it's perpetual field of death all in one smooth motion. Frieza, realising something was wrong, immediately sobered and dropped into a fighting stance but nothing could prepare him for Clark's wrath as the latter blurred into existence on his blind side and pounced on him, grabbed his throat and began to squeeze. Clark was beyond reason, beyond mercy as the evil little monster slowly turned an unhealthy shade of blue; he brought his other arm up to join in squeezing the life from the tyrant, uncaring of the screaming dislocation still present in his shoulder.

Frieza was clawing ineffectively at the large hands slowly killing him, "Pl...ease... Have... mer...mercy..."

Clark's voice was cold and dead, his eyes narrowing sadistically as he responded, "Why should I? You wouldn't." He squeezed harder. He was so focussed on his task that he didn't hear the arrival of a figure in black.

Stepping over the pieces of door he had just destroyed to get in, Batman quickly assessed the scene before him and strode to Clark's side, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "What happened to Lois was unforgivable. Superman doesn't kill, but if you want to flex that rule this one time I won't tell."

Clark blinked, Bruce's words of permission brought him back to himself with a jolt and all the adrenaline that had fuelled his blind rage evaporated, leaving him susceptible to the poison lacing the room once more. He released the alien and stepped back, watching dispassionately as it fell to it's knees, a hand at it's almost-crushed throat as the other braced it's weight. He glared up at Clark and managed to rasp, "I'll kill you," before Bruce booted him hard in the face, knocking him out.

Bruce watched as Clark sagged against a wall, wincing as he leant on his damaged side, "Earth's special forces are on their way to take him off planet to somewhere more secure." He gestured to the limb hanging limply at Clark's side, "We better get that arm seen to."

Clark's answering mutter was emotionless, "No need." And grasping his upper arm he wrenched it back into place, not bothering to make a sound of pain, merely grimacing as the mending 'crunch' echoed around the disused room. He flexed his fingers, refusing to meet Bruce's gaze, "How did he know about the kryptonite?"

Bruce grimaced, "He hacked me. When he escaped from the JLA holding facility he managed to get near a computer long enough to hack my secure Brother I files, the ones containing ALL our personal details."

Clark locked a glare on his friend, "Your paranoia almost got her killed."

"Yes it did, and the database was erased as soon as it happened," he took Clark's arm and led him from the warehouse, out into the night, he had done wrong by not deleting those files sooner but he owed it to Clark to point out the self-destructive path he had set out upon, "But, Clark, you can't expect to be able to keep her safe; not like this. No-one can be everywhere at once, that's what you'd need to be able to do to carry on the way you are. If you continue down this path, you'll be lonely forever."

They came to a halt and Clark stared straight ahed, still not meeting Bruce's eyes, "... Are you finished?"

Bruce grimaced, this lack of emotion was so unlike Clark that he was beginning to think that the alien had somehow affected his mind; he nodded and Clark pulled his arm free of Bruce's grasp.

Rising into the air, Clark threw back over his shoulder, "You have to learn to trust us, Bruce, or you can consider me out." He disappeared into the night sky.

*

Lois poked listlessly at the plate in front of her and watched idly as a rogue pea rolled off the edge, Clark had been gone far too long and she was starting to get worried. A thud sounded outside and she frowned, what the hell was that? Dropping her fork, she went out into the back yard and felt her heart stop in her chest; Clark was crouching, hunched over where he had landed, his head bowed so low it was almost touching his knees. He was in his civvies so he'd managed to change on the way back but what had happened? As if reading her mind, he looked up and locked red, puffy eyes on her,

"Lois..." He made an abortive gesture as if reaching for her.

Making sure she didn't have the pendant on her, she went to him and dropped to her knees, reaching out to take his hand, "Oh my God, Clark, what happened? You look terrible." His shoulders started to shake and she grabbed him in a hug, her anger forgotten as he broke down before her.

"I... I almost..." he hiccuped and she rubbed his back soothingly, murmuring nothings as she rocked him like a child, "Lois, I almost killed him." He pulled his head free and gazed helplessly at her, "He... he was going to kill you, and I got mad, God I've never been so angry, and then it's like someone else took over my body." He tucked his head back under her chin, burrowing into her comforting embrace as all the emotion he had suppressed during the fight came roaring back, "He'd gotten hold of some kryptonite and was holding me prisoner, but when he said that I just snapped. I saw myself break out of the cage, and grab him round the neck and then I squeezed, Lois, I squeezed so hard, if he'd been human I would have popped his head clean off, and then Bruce came in and I realised what I was doing and then it's like I went dead inside." He sat up, took her face in his hands and gazed deeply into her eyes, "When I thought I was going to lose you, I changed, I became a machine, the killing machine I've always been afraid I'd become one day. But seeing you just now," he shook his head, the profoundness of her impact on him was just staggering, "the floodgates opened on all the emotion that got shut off when I was fighting." His brows twitched and tears began to fall again, "If not for you I'd BE that machine; I'd not be me, I can't be good without you, I need you, I..." He smiled, his grip on her face softening from desperation to adoration, "I love you."

Lois bit her lips as the words she had longed to hear for weeks finally flowed freely from him, "Jesus, Clark, it took you long enough." She reached up and cupped his cheek, her thumb wiping away the tears, "Let's get you inside, you're a mess." Helping him to his feet, she took his hand, smiling up at him as she was finally free to do so and led him into the farm house. "I saved you some pie."

Wiping his nose on his sleeve, an innocent, happy light shone from Clark's eyes as he followed her inside, "Pie?"

_I finally know that the past is gone and I know that I was wrong._

_**FIN**_


End file.
